


Wasteland

by Hauntingme



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The 100 (TV) Fusion, Angst, Betrayal, Clexa20gayteen, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-11-15 09:04:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20863691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hauntingme/pseuds/Hauntingme
Summary: My small effort to keep the ship sailing--long live Clexa.There is some angst, some sadness, a dose of betrayal. Plenty of swoons to be had.Clarke and Lexa are seniors at high school. They both practice jiu jitsu (imagine the fun predicaments). I like character building so expect a slow start and many layers to these characters. They may even disappoint you sometimes.





	1. A Citadel

**Author's Note:**

> Looking for constructive criticism. This is my first attempt at writing a story. I want to learn all that I can and shall lean on you all for honesty and feedback. It certainly isn't a requirement but will surely be appreciated. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

*6:00 AM Alarm*

Hoping minimal effort is enough, Clarke groans in response to her alarm—which is still ringing and increasing in volume with each cry.

Another groan, “Fine.” Clarke moves to turn off the alarm. Misjudging the distance between her and the night-table, Clarke somersaults off of her bed. She lands with a boisterous smack against the hardwood floor.

“Clarke!”

Unamused by her mother’s annoyance, Clarke responds, “Still breathing, although I don’t think I’ll ever be able to walk again. Looks like home-school. Shucks!”

By this point, Abby has made her way, while stomping, to Clarke’s bedroom.

“Seriously, Clarke? Since when do you suck at mornings?”

“Ouch—bruising more than my knees, ma.”

“This isn’t funny. Why are you not ready for school?”

Clarke didn’t have a good answer for this, well at least not one to satisfy her mom. Realizing her mother has fixed her with an icy stare, Clarke decides to diffuse the situation by complying and a quick apology.

Nodding, Abby indicates they will meet at the front-door in twenty minutes.

“Wait, twenty minutes?! Campus is only ten minutes away and classes do not start until 8AM!”

“Clarke, I advise you to watch your tone.” Abby waits for Clarke to acknowledge this low-key threat.

“Right, sorry. I just don’t understand.”

“Since this is a larger campus than you’re used to, I have arranged for someone to give you a tour.”

Oh joy, they have only been here a week and mom is already trying to force friendships. “Eh, I’m good.” Clarke tries to crawl back into bed but is quickly intercepted by a wad of clothes thrust into her arms.

“You can wear this,” Abby fixes Clarke with a glare. Who knew the color green could be so intimidating? Blue was always calming, of course that was the color of Jake Griffin’s eyes. _Nope, cannot think of that. _She shakes the memories from her mind. Clarke had her dad’s eyes.

“Ma, I’m pretty sure I haven’t worn this shirt since middle-school.” Clarke says as she holds up the tattered My Little Pony tee.

“Fine, but hurry up and make sure you’re dressed appropriately.” Before exiting the room, Abby turns to look at Clarke. This time, Abby isn’t annoyed, disappointed, or angry; rather she looks lost in thought. Fidgeting under the gaze, Clarke decides yanking her top off to expose her bare chest would do the trick.

Recoiling, Abby grits through her teeth, “Dear Lord, child, have you no sense of civility?!”

Grinning, Clarke continues to disrobe.

Determined to not be bested, Abby inserts “You now only have ten minutes, and oh by the way, you may want to close the blinds on the window.” Leaving Clarke with that nugget of information, Abby leaves.

“Shit.” Clarke tries to fix the blinds. All that she manages to do is raise them to a catty-corner. Naked and frustrated, Clarke abandons the mission, deciding it doesn’t matter. Clarke never felt any shame over her body so if the neighbors want to enjoy, let them. Satisfied with her deviancy, Clarke rushes to get presentable—which is not easy to do in ten (wait no, now 7) minutes. “Fuck my life.”

Clarke never looked forward to the first day of school. It seemed, for most of her life, first day of school meant: a new town, a new bus routine, and always a new group of territorial teens. Sigh. One definitely learns how to have a tough skin…or crippling insecurities. Take your pick. Clarke did not want to think about her insecurities. She needed to focus on how to fly under the radar at Polis Academy. The lovely new school Clarke now has admission into. More like lovely gargantuan of a school, dear god.

Upon reaching drop-off, Clark starts to understand why her mom arranged a travel-guide. This school is bigger than any other she previously attended. 

Clarke mutters something unintelligible.

“What was that?”

“Are you sure this is a school?” Clarke presses her face against the window to look up at the cathedral looking thing on one of the buildings.

“Please stop fogging up my windows.” Abby pulls on Clarke’s tee—which is not the My Little Pony but a classier tee sporting Halestorm’s lead singer Lzzy Hale straddling a subwoofer.

“Where am I meeting this tour-guide?”

“Front office,” and before Clarke can ask, Abby finishes with, “it is right inside the front entrance of the bursar building.” Clarke still looking confused, Abby then points to a stocky, brick building with a statue of a man and a dog(?) maybe. “There.”

“Okay, cool. And do you know the person’s name?”

“Woods.”

Great—I’m going to be led by a tree. With that, Clarke mutters a good-bye and half-hearted ‘I love you’ to her mom and heads toward the fat building.

*****************************

“Here you are.”

Lexa accepts the stack of generic, ‘about your alma mater” pamphlets. With a quick glance, she decides this should be more than enough information the new kid needs. Speaking of, Clarke Griffin should be arriving any moment now.

Turning her attention to the front-desk, Lexa asks if a new student has appeared yet. The front-desk attendant shakes his head.

Lexa could be a little impatient at times. This is especially true for whenever she is coerced into something. Newbie orientation is not Lexa’s thing. But, when you find yourself facing detention, you bite the bullet and do whatever it takes to get out of trouble. After all, it was just for one day; what could it hurt? What it could do is help keep her record clean.

Lexa glances through the glass doors and spots a new face. This must be ‘her.’ The mystery girl reaches the glass doors and starts pulling… and pulling some more. Lexa pinches her nose as the girl moves to the other door and starts pulling again. Bored of this charade, Lexa calls out to her, “Push!”

Finally pushing on the door, the mystery girl bounds into the front-office—without a hint of embarrassment Lexa notes. She walks straight up to Lexa and states, “I’m looking for woods.”

Amused Lexa replies, “There is a patch about one quarter of a mile east of this building.” She is rewarded with a glare from the girl, but the girl doesn’t miss the beat.

“Good to know. Do you know a person named woods?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Where can I find them?”

“Here.”

“I figured. Can you take me to them?

“No.” Lexa cannot help but smile. Judging by the peak on the girl’s eyebrow, she is getting more and more agitated by the second. We have a temper on this one. Lexa has already deduced that this is Clarke Griffin, and since she has the upper-hand, Lexa is going to have some fun.

“Cool. Well, looks like I’m free to explore campus.”

Lexa didn’t expect this response. Lexa also didn’t expect Clarke to turn on her heels and bolt.

“Shit.” Now Lexa is going to have to run after her. Luckily, Lexa has some height advantage over this girl. Lexa catches up to her quickly.

“Are you stalking me?”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to be inconspicuous?”

Ignoring Lexa’s retort, Clarke keeps her pace. Lexa wonders how the girl, unaware of the campus layout, could walk with such determination.

“What is your name?” Lexa was caught off-guard by this abrupt question.

“Umm…”

Clarke snorts. “Wow, the IQ on this campus is high.”

“You will fit in well then.” Before Clarke can respond, Lexa adds, “Considering you cannot figure out a simple push/pull maneuver.”

Lexa notices Clarke open her mouth to respond but only to shut it again. This wasn’t the only thing Lexa noticed. Despite herself, Lexa couldn’t help but appreciate how lush the girl’s lips are—full with a perfect heart shape to contrast that strong jawline. “Damn.”

“Hmm?”

Realizing she said that aloud, Lexa tries to cover with “uh, my name is Lexa. Lexa Woods.”

Clarke abruptly stops and turns to face Lexa. Lexa can feel the tension. For what feels like forever, they stand facing in silence—Clarke glaring those bright, sapphires into Lexa’s lively, jade.

“You’re a piece of work.”

“Hey, easy now, I was just having fun back there.”

Clarke crosses her arms, looking more annoyed by the second. Lexa notices that she is kind of cute with her face snarled like that. Stop, Jesus. What is wrong with Lexa today? Can she not go five minutes without finding something attractive about this girl?

“C’mon, relax. We can call it newbie hazing.”

Clarke narrows her eyes. With a sigh, she says, “Fine, I do need help finding my classrooms.”

“My name is Clarke, by the way.”

“I know.”

“Of course you do.”


	2. Hold Me Down

More and more Clarke was starting to believe that this was a university, not a high school. She could have sworn they walked for hours and still had not mapped out all of her classes. Sheesh. Clarke hoped they are not too strict about tardiness.

“I guess you didn’t read the dress-code.”

Clarke wasn’t expecting the statement. “Huh?” In that moment, she noticed the other girl’s outfit: slim fitting khakis with a navy blue polo with a white stripe around the collar. “Oh.”

“Um, it’s my first day.”

“Obviously.”

Though having a guide was helpful, Clarke wasn’t sure it was worth putting up with this drab asshole. Throughout the tour, the girl managed to provide some useful information: “cafeteria is there” Lexa points in a general direction. “Gym is located behind that building” Lexa points to that cathedral thing Clarke noticed earlier. “Your biology courses will be over there.” All the while Lexa managed to avoid any ounce of enthusiasm. Except whenever she said this, “Oh and the principal’s office is located in the bursar building.”

“Why did you point that out?” Clarke could hear the implications in Lexa’s voice.

“You look like someone that needs to know that.”

Clarke scoffs. “Wow, you’re judging me?” This earns a laugh from Lexa.

“Well, you are the one that showed up on her first day of a new school wearing a rock tee.” Lexa is looking at the image of Lzzy straddling the subwoofer. Realizing she is under Lexa’s gaze, Clarke’s stomach fills with fire—the traitor.

“You’re making fun of my music taste now?” Clarke is grinning now. Lexa matches Clarke’s smile. She wonders if Lexa is flirting with her. Pretty bold assumption considering Clarke has no idea if the girl is into girls.

Realizing she is still smiling and staring at Lexa, Clarke pulls her gaze to the prettiest building she has seen so far. It is a red brick building tucked behind several white oak trees. She notices some large bay windows flanking the east and west wings of the structure. “What is that building?”

“The library.”

Clarke knows where she will be spending her free period. “It’s gorgeous.”

“Yea, there some good nooks tucked away amongst the books… if you’re lucky enough to get there before others.”

“Others?” Clarke looks at Lexa, “you mean you?” Lexa smirks at this. God, that was sexy. _No, stop it!_ Clarke silently scolds herself.

“Okay, first period is about to start. Your class is in that building,” Lexa says as she points to the building west of the library.

“Thanks.” Clarke doesn’t know what else to say.

“No problem.” Lexa continues looking at Clarke.

Feeling awkward, Clarke turns and starts heading toward the building. Briefly, she turns back to wave at Lexa. _That was smooth._

Clarke made a mental note to berate the person responsible for numbering rooms out of sequence. When Clarke finally reaches her classroom, she opens to find a room full of students—not surprising. However, what did surprise her was a smug Lexa Woods sitting amongst a group of the most attractive, censorious looking peers Clarke had ever observed. _That bitch didn’t want to be seen walking into class with me!_

Deciding not to expose her perplexity, Clarke took the seat right next to Lexa, despite the angry looking blonde sitting on that particular desk.

“Excuse me?” The girl fixes Clarke with dagger eyes. “This seat is taken.”

Clarke isn’t easily intimidated so it was easy for her to meet the stranger’s gaze with one sparked of fire in her own.

“Looked empty to me.”

The girl slides off the desk and is now towering over a sitting Clarke. _Is this the fight you want to pick? _Clarke briefly considers it. Absolutely.

“This seat belongs to me.”

“Is there assigned seating?”

“No, but…”

Clarke interrupts, “Perfect, looks like I’m sitting here then.”

It was not normal for Clarke to pick these battles—especially as the new girl on her first day. This was an exception. Clarke just wanted vengeance against Lexa—Lexa’s friends had to endure the wrath by proxy. The girl grabs Clarke’s collar.

“Anya.” Lexa warns.

“You must be brawns over brains, yea?” Clarke says to Anya. She knows this is only adding fuel, but Clarke wanted to see how far she could push Lexa.

Before Anya could respond, another girl comes up from behind Clarke.

“Hey, hey okay, okay.” The girl’s amusement was a little misplaced. “Let’s not pummel the new girl. Hey, you, new girl sit with me and my friend.” The brunette nods over to a black-haired girl with the brightest eyes Clarke had ever seen. Clarke doesn’t know why this ‘Raven’ involved herself, but decided it was best to move. Clarke was satisfied that this debacle meddled with Lexa’s smugness.

“I’m Raven.” The girl says to Clarke as they sit in the back row. “This is Octavia,” she says while gesturing to her black-haired friend.

“Clarke.” They all nod in acknowledgement. Clarke catches Lexa glancing at her. _Good. _Clarke thinks to herself. Pulling Clarke from her vindication, Raven surmises “So you must have a massive set of ovaries.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean you’re either bold or stupid to pick a fight on your first day.”

Clarke sighs, “If I’m being honest? Probably, both.” Raven slaps her on the back, “You’re my kind of gal.” Gal? Clarke wondered where this girl originated.

********************************************

During lunch, Clarke’s mom texted her to say she was staying late at work—which meant Clarke had to catch a bus ride home. Fantastic. It’s not that Clarke hated bus rides; she just preferred routine and consistency. I mean, she was expecting a pick-up from her mom today and, of course, work comes first. Not that she was having such a swell first-day, but this news did not help her mood. _Can we serve some melancholy with that annoyance, miss?_

At end of day, Clarke walks out to bus pick-up. Of course a school this massive would have this many busses. Sigh. From behind, it sounds like someone is calling out to her. Clarke turns to see Lexa jogging towards her.

The slightly out of breath Lexa manages a, “hey” before Clarke’s hand is up to stop her.

“Save it.”

Lexa tilts her head to one side. “Did I miss something?” Clarke ignores her to continuing choosing a bus, at random of course, to ride.

“Is this about Anya?” Lexa continues.

Clarke is piqued now. “You didn’t want to walk inside with me!”

Lexa opens her mouth to respond but Clarke isn’t finished, “Am I that embarrassing? Is it something about not being seen with the ‘new kid’? Tell me.”

Lexa smiles and then shakes her head. “You walked away from me, remember?” Of course Clarke walked away, Lexa made it seem like their tour was over—which implied they were to part ways.

“You could have told me we have the class together.” Clarke crosses her arms, “or stopped me as I walked away.” Now her arms are up in the air.

“Maybe I enjoyed the view.”

Clarke drops her arms and just stares at Lexa. _Okay, she is definitely flirting._ Before Clarke can utter something intelligible, she hears Raven calling out to her. _This girl and her timing—_Clarke can’t decide if it’s the best or the worst.

“I got to go anyway. See you around, Clarke.” Something about the way Lexa enunciates the ‘k’ sends goosebumps down Clarke’s spine. In response, she manages to mutter something like, “okay” before Lexa is gone.

“You want a ride?” Clarke smiles at Raven, “That’s the best offer I’ve had all day.”

**********************

Pleased with herself, Lexa settles into her car. She enjoyed seeing Clarke’s reaction. Lexa has many reasons to behave herself some of which include: she has a girlfriend and Clarke may not be into girls. As if on cue, Costia opens the passenger door. She gives Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek before buckling her seat-belt. “Fun day with your ward?”

“You mean Clarke?” Lexa asks while she scrolls through Spotify looking for the perfect playlist. _Halestorm, hmm why not?_ Lexa normally listens to indie but she could grant Halestorm a listen.

“So it has a name.” Costia is already reading into the situation.

“What is with your hostility?” Lexa decides on ‘I miss the misery.’ Already, the song sends a coursing shock through her veins. _Damn, points for rock._

“I heard about what went down with Anya.”

_‘Cuz I like it rough’ _Lexa cannot help the way the lyrics are making her squirm in her seat. _Is this what Clarke is like?_ Lexa shakes her head—she shouldn’t think that way.

“Are you listening to me?”

It finally dawned on Lexa that Costia was talking to her this entire time. “Sorry, I was listening to the song.” Costia blinks at her.

“Speaking of, since when do you listen to rock?”

“Since now.” Lexa knows she isn’t making it through this commute without a fight with Costia—no sense in trying to avoid it.

“Let me guess, Claire likes it.”

“Clarke.” Lexa knows this routine.

Ever since what happened last summer, Costia doesn’t trust Lexa around any girls. Sure, Lexa cheated and that warrants this type of mistrust. It just sucks and gets old, real fast.

Last summer, Lexa volunteered with a community service group. It was to help her score some points toward college applications. Lexa wants to attend an Ivy League school and community service hours always helps to boost a resume.

At the close of summer, the group decides to throw a house party. Earlier that day, Lexa and Costia got into an argument over Lexa’s truck. Costia borrowed it for an errand. It was returned with a dent in the driver door. Despite her rage, Lexa went to the party—alone and spiteful. After drinking a few too many drinks, Lexa finds herself grinding with one of the girls she volunteered with. It didn’t help that Lexa was already attracted to the girl. She was blonde and well, Lexa has a type. She didn’t even know if that girl liked girls. Consequently, that was never an issue for Lexa—gay or straight, girls openly enjoy Lexa’s attention. Their dancing becomes more sensual. It didn’t take Lexa long to recognize where this was headed. Deciding that this was a problem for future-Lexa, she follows the girl to an empty room.

The girl’s lips tasted bitter; partly from the whiskey and partially from Lexa’s own guilty conscious. _Damn fool. _Despite this, Lexa revels in how soft the girl’s lips feel against her own. The girl’s body is new territory and it was begging for Lexa to explore. With the girl pressed against the door, Lexa takes what is offered to her.

Since there were many witnesses to Lexa’s debauchery, Costia was alerted quickly. They ended up breaking up, but were back together before Christmas vacation. Honestly, Lexa didn’t think Costia would take her back. And… Lexa wasn’t sure why she was trying. They have been an on-and-off again item for three years now. As a result of this, most of their relationship was an argument soft-serve with some sweetness sprinkled on top.

Lexa allows her mind to focus on the present. By this point in the ride, ‘I miss the misery’ switched to ‘I get off.’ Lexa then decided she wanted to talk to Clarke about this band. Lexa was so intrigued by the confidence and sexual energy this Lzzy Hale portrayed. She couldn’t help but think of this as insight into Clarke.

“Just don’t pull any shady shit, okay?”

This pulls Lexa from her trance. “Uh, yea of course not.” This seems to appease Costia. They say their goodbyes and Lexa heads toward her home. Which, Lexa isn’t sure is better than riding with a pissed off Costia.


	3. Rockefellers

As the weeks pass, Clarke gets comfortable in her new routine. Since she gets along well with Raven and Octavia, Clarke catches rides to and from school with them. They all live on the same neighbor street; therefore riding together every day isn’t tedious. It didn’t take long to learn that Raven is not a morning person. However, Octavia was much like Clarke. They were alive and ready for the day each morning. Clarke always did her best critical thinking first thing in the morning. It was also her most creative time of the day.

Raven is a good sport. She listens and drives while Octavia and Clarke sing along to whatever songs come on the shuffle. To Clarke’s surprise, Octavia was a huge Halestorm fan, too.

“Not to disrupt the lovely belching,” Raven waits for their attention. She is awarded with a few pokes to the ribs.

Giggling, Clarke reaches to lower the volume, “What’s up?”

Reaching to adjust the rear-view mirror, Raven casually asks, “Have you thought about joining extra-curricular groups?” 

“Shit, are you my mom now?” Clarke barks.

“No, but I can be your daddy.” Raven bounces her eyebrows provocatively, clearly amused.

Clarke grins and shrugs her shoulders in defeat. She is quickly learning you cannot win battles of words against Raven.

“Not really. Do you have any suggestions?”

“You should try for the BJJ team!” Octavia cuts in.

Raven and Clarke both stare at Octavia. “What?”

“What makes you think princess can handle grappling sports?” Raven clearly has her doubts. Clarke was not fond of this nickname bestowed upon her. It had something to do with singing along to Disney classics. She isn’t sure how and when they started calling her princess—just that now they do and she can only tolerate it. Clarke figures the more she complains, the more they will want to rub it in.

“I can handle my own, fuck you very much.” Clarke slings the retort at Raven.

“See?!” Octavia grins, “She is feisty.”

“I suppose you’re correct.” Raven nods with contentment, “come try out tonight.”

_Are you up to something, Universe?_ Clarke thinks to herself. Clarke is not a stranger to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but that was a life-time ago and she had little interest in revisiting. _“You have a gift, Clarke.” Jake continues, “It’s okay to fail sometimes.” “It’s part of learning.” He encourages. _Clarke banishes the memories. It was once her life’s blood, but things happen and then things change.

“Earth to Clarke!” Raven and Octavia are poking Clarke’s forehead.

“What the fuck! Stop that!” Clarke yells as she bats their hands away from her face.

“Dude, you zoned out.” Octavia, nodding her head, agrees with Raven.

“You in?” They look at her with expectant eyes.

“I assume you’re both on the team?” Clarke cannot believe she is actually considering this. Unfortunately, they are correct; she needs an extra-curricular to go on her resume. It wouldn’t look good to finish her senior year without anything to set apart her academia. She has a history with BJJ, which could help her get through the year without too many hiccups.

They both nod vigorously.

She sighs. “Fine.”

“Whoopee!” Octavia shouts as she throws her arms around Clarke’s neck. “You’re going to love it.”

“Easy now, let’s see how the first day goes.” Raven reminds them.

_You’re in for a surprise, Raven._ Clarke thinks to herself. Admittedly, Clarke loves being underestimated. She was already looking forward to putting loud mouth on her ass.

******************************

In the three weeks since Lexa gave Clarke a tour, they maybe ran into each a handful of times. Lexa was pretty certain the girl was avoiding her. There were a couple moments where Lexa raised her hand to wave at Clarke, only to see her abruptly turn and throw herself into whatever room was available. Even though they had Sociology together, Clarke always managed to slip out of class before Lexa could talk to her.

It was apparent that Clarke was becoming close to Raven and Octavia. Not a bad crew. Lexa thought to herself. Lexa found Octavia endearing and Raven amusing—she liked them. However, they were not ‘her’ group, as Costia likes to point out. Polis Academy culture is all about status and knowing your place. _Barbaric bullshit. _Lexa never liked those vibes. She also didn’t enjoy being placed into a box. Sure, it has its advantages. Because of this, Lexa is of the ‘popular’ kid fortune. This has made her high school experience pleasant for (now) four years running. But it definitely has its downsides: people expect her to act and dress a certain way; to associate with certain people; to have certain grades; to never get into trouble. Blah blah blah.

“Are you going to eat that or make love to it?”

Blinking, Lexa looks up at Anya. “You can have them.”

“Not what I asked but hey, I’ll never refuse extra fries.” Anya starts picking away at Lexa’s plate. “What’s bugging you? Costia trouble, again?”

Lexa laughs. “Nah, just thinking.”

“About?” Anya manages through a mouthful of mushed fries.

Lexa takes a moment to give her a disapproving gawk. Lexa’s mother would disown her for that lack of dinning etiquette. Come to think of it, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Lexa considers it. That is, until Anya slurps down her remaining Gatorade.

“Remind me to never drink Strawberry-Kiwi again,” Lexa states with disgust. Anya shrugs it off.

“What are we doing after training, tonight?”

Lexa considers the question. It’s a Thursday night and she still has some homework to finish. Her mother would condemn any slacking on Lexa’s behalf.

“Let’s party.” Lexa decides. That was easy.

“Sweet.” Anya adds. “Lincoln did say he could get us into Grounder’s bar tonight.” Lincoln is Anya’s older brother by two years. Lexa grew up across the street from their house so the three of them became very close. Lexa is an only child so Anya and Lincoln made for good alternatives. The sibling rivalry was real with these three. To help pay for college, Lincoln started working as a bouncer at the local bar.

This is news to Lexa. “What is so special about tonight?”

“He is the point- bouncer tonight,” Anya continues with a devilish grin, “his first shift with the title.”

Understanding now, Lexa clenches her fists with excitement. “Perfect—we should let everyone know.”

Anya takes out her phone, “already on it.” Lexa picks up a fry. “Hey! Those are mine now.” Anya snatches the fry from Lexa’s fingers. _Hateful._

*********************************

Clarke was surprised to find her gi still hanging up in the spare bedroom closet. Since she has only been out the game for a year, it should still fit nicely. Clarke always kept an athletic figure, regardless of jiu jitsu training or not. Exercise was the safest way for Clarke to vent._ Is it appropriate to continue wearing the purple belt?_ Clarke wonders to herself. Deciding it isn’t, she opted for the white belt hanging next to the rainbow of belts.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Abby catches Clarke before she can exit the house.

“Try outs.”

Unamused, Abby asks, “For?”

Clarke considers lying. It isn’t that her mom will have a problem with her joining the BJJ team. Clarke just doesn’t want to deal with the flood that is her mother’s emotions.

Abby taps her nails against the granite counter for their kitchen island.

Figuring that she will only get caught in a lie and then reap the consequences of that, Clarke tells her the truth.

“I’m glad you’re trying again.”

Clarke’s heart squeezes. This wasn’t a hurtful thing for Abby to say to Clarke. Yet, she knew what her mother meant and this is exactly what she wanted to avoid.

Clarke grunts something sounding like “yeah” and heads out the door. Not before grabbing a left-over, pastrami hoagie from the fridge. _Sustenance. _

Raven and Octavia are already waiting in the driveway. _Thank the heavens. _Clarke slides into the backseat and they head towards the training gym.

It was a short drive. The gym is on campus grounds. It feels like bees buzzing around in Clarke’s chest and belly once she walks up to the entrance doors. It’s a good thing Octavia and Raven are behind Clarke; because she would have bolted the second she noticed two particular team members.

“Lexa fucking Woods is on the team?!” Clarke turns and hisses at Octavia and Raven. She is burning red. No, she is sweltering. Guilt is plastered across their faces.

“We didn’t think you would come if we told you.” Octavia whispers while avoiding eye-contact. 

“No shit, jackass.” Clarke deadpans.

“Calm down, princess. Is it that big of a deal?” Raven prompts.

Clarke huffs and heads towards the mats. There is no point in arguing about this now, especially within earshot of everyone. Clarke notices the way Lexa keeps her gaze on her. She can’t decide if she likes it or not. Mostly because she can’t decide if Lexa’s staring is territorial or thirsty. Clarke hopes for the latter. You can’t blame a girl.

Clarke has been avoiding Lexa since their ‘misunderstanding.’ Sure, Clarke was pretty certain Lexa was flirting with her… but then she found out about Costia. Raven let that one slip when she was explaining campus culture. _“There you have your music nerds.” “Over there is your typical burnouts.” With her arms extended, she jesters, “Jocks everywhere, honestly.” “Your girl Lexa is with the popular group. People call them the ‘flame.’ That is her girlfriend Costia.” _Clarke choked on her water at this. Raven didn’t seem to notice or care for that matter and continued. _“They don’t associate with just anyone. Yea, everyone here comes from money but they all come from ‘old’ money.” She gestures mockingly. _Clarke definitely got the message that Lexa was off-limits. It’s better that way. Clarke was not ready for any types of romance. She was still trying to shake a former boyfriend from her previous town.

The instructor is quick to have everyone break into sparring partners. Clarke looks around for another numbskull without a partner. Then she feels a tap on her shoulder.

“Need a partner?” Lexa flashes a smile at Clarke.

Clarke does her best to scan the room, searching desperately for an alternative. Why isn’t Lexa partnering with Anya? Clarke wonders. 

Defeated, Clarke huffs, “I guess so.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take it easy on you.” Lexa winks. Clarke looks down to notice the brown belt wrapped against Lexa’s gi. _Impressive. _Clarke’s mind begins to wonder to an image of Lexa out of the gi. Clarke immediately imagines tight underarmour framing a toned body. All the while, the instructor is demonstrating guard position and how to escape via arm-bar. Clarke could use the refresher but she is currently a little distracted by Lexa. Clarke worries this will be a theme.

“Partners! Choose who takes guard first.” Clarke jumps at the instructor’s sudden and loud command.

Lexa readily takes the lead and directs Clarke to take guard position. Clarke figures the girl is used to being on top. Clarke grins to herself. 

Lexa interrupts Clarke’s thoughts, “Since you’re a beginner, I will guide you through the movement.” _Good luck with that._ Clarke assumes guard position. With her back on the ground, Clarke waits for Lexa to settle between her legs so that she may wrap them around Lexa’s waist. The point of guard is to control your opponent using your legs. Jiu Jitsu is a sport where being on your back is as much of an ‘attacking’ position as being in top (or control).

Since Jiu Jitsu is a mental sport, Clarke does her best to not notice her arousal at Lexa settling between her thighs. Clarke squeezes to sink in her guard. Lexa must have been taken by surprise because she fell slightly forward, nearly landing flush on top of Clarke. To catch herself, Lexa plants her hands on Clarke’s hips. This is a normal response when grappling from this position. However, the charged energy between them would suggest otherwise.

Clarke arcs her eyebrow at seeing Lexa gulp.

“Uh, good guard. You must be a natural.”

Clarke laughs louder at this than she intended. Lexa looks at her confused but continues with the drill.

“Okay, now you want to…” Clarke cuts of Lexa by executing the movement. Flawlessly, Clarke might add. Within five movements, Clarke has Lexa pinned in an arm bar. She waits for Lexa to tap before releasing her.

Rubbing her arm, Lexa observes Clarke.

“This isn’t my first rodeo,” Clarke speaks bluntly.

Lexa tilts her head and grins, “I guess not.”

Anticipating the new arrivals, the instructor kept the first class light. After thirty minutes of drills, the trainees were instructed to complete an ABC 150. Yes, that is a soccer drill. But if you understood how much stamina and endurance goes into grappling, you would know that it is crucial to have a strong set of lungs.

Of course, Lexa and Anya were front of the team. Clarke could see that they were the only two brown belts in this group. Raven and Octavia were both blue belts. Another guy named Murphy was a purple belt. Clarke made a note to approach him for partnering later. She isn’t sure surviving another partnership with Lexa is possible. The remaining trainees are white belts. Clarke never minded training with white belts so if Murphy isn’t down, she can find a sparring partner elsewhere.

To her surprise, being back in a BJJ gym wasn’t heartbreaking. It was nice to train again. Feeling a wave of happy emotions, Clarke surprises Octavia and Raven in a group hug.

Laughing, Raven quips, “You need to buy me dinner first!”

Octavia rolls her eyes, “God, Rae, do you have to make everything sexual?” Clarke sticks out her hip, “Yea?!”

“Speaking of…” Raven ignores them both to go talk to Anya.

“What’s with those two?” Clarke asks Octavia.

Octavia signals a hip thrusting motion. “They hook up sometimes.”

Blinking, Clarke takes a step back from Octavia. “Is all of that,” she gestures to the thrusting, “necessary?” This only makes Octavia exaggerate her motions.

“Now I see why you two are best friends,” Clarke motions between Octavia and Raven.

Octavia scratches her head, “you’re just now figuring this out?”

Before Clarke can respond, Raven rejoins them. She shares an invite to a club tonight, explaining that Anya’s brother can get them in.

“But it’s a Thursday night,” Clarke says unsure of how she can get this past her mother.

“Tell her you’re staying over at my place,” Octavia offers.

Shaking her head, she explains, “only on rare occasions am I allowed to stay over during the school-week.”

“Sneak out.”

Clarke and Octavia glare at Raven. She crosses her arms, “it’s easier than you think.”

“My room is on the second floor.” Clarke bites her lower lip.

“Excuses.”

Clarke hates the thought of being left out. Dancing was always something universal for her—no matter where her mother dragged her to, she could always find someplace to dance. This was something she desperately wanted to do, but was she desperate enough to scale her house? Thinking about the possibility of disappointing her mother, Clarke’s answer was easy: Definitely.

“Fine, but you’re helping.”

Raven offers a devilish grin. “Perfect.”


	4. Your Laugh Echoes Down the Hallway

Getting out of the house was not difficult. There was only one panic moment when she let the window fall shut. After pausing to listen for a response, Clarke decided the thump didn’t wake Abby.

She was not pleased once learning that they would have to push Raven’s car until out of sight.

Looking down at her heels, Clarke mentions, “I don’t have the best shoes for this.”

Raven rolls her eyes. “Woman-up, princess.”

With a few heaves and whining, all three girls manage to get the Crosstrek rolling. Once a few houses down, they hopped into the Subaru and made their way to the club.

“Do you have any wipes,” Clarke asks while glancing at her dusty hands. Raven hands her a roll and Octavia helps herself to one, too.

“Good thing I’m wearing a black dress.” Clarke says, still feeling spiteful for having to push a car.

“Good thing you have nice friends to offer you a ride,” Raven snaps back. Clarke purses her lips, _touché._

To change the mood, Octavia blasts Halestorm through the stereo. Nothing put Clarke in the mood to grind more than Halestorm’s ‘I Get Off.’ She tried to ignore the number of times her mind wondered to sparring with Lexa Woods. Again, she reminds herself that Lexa is off limits. However, this isn’t the most practical tactic to use against Clarke. She always wants what she can’t have. This has gotten Clarke into trouble more than once.

Once they arrive, Clarke’s stomach fills with anticipation. They walk inside.

“I’ll handle the drinks,” Raven directs, “you two get us a table.”

Even though Clarke was unsure of how Raven was going to score three drinks, she was less sure of securing a table. There were people everywhere. A few dark corners in the back appeared to have some availability, but you had to wade through a hoard of people. Clarke and Octavia decide to take their chances.

They arrive at what they thought was the last open-table of the night. Not being able to see into the booth, Clarke quickly slides into it, bumping into someone.

“I’m sorr—Lexa?” Clarke blinks rapidly.

“Ahem.” Costia clears her throat behind Clarke. “We’re sitting here.”

Clarke looks around, absorbing her surroundings for the first time. There are drinks on the table to indicate at least four other people were claiming this table. Not to mention Lexa actually sitting inside the booth, next to her.

“My apologies,” Clarke’s face is glowing red.

“No worries, I’m sure we can make room,” Lexa offers. “How many in your group?”

Unable to ignore the furious look on Costia’s face, Clarke decides it’s best to move. “Um, no. We can find another spot. Thanks though!” Clarke notices the disappointment on Lexa’s face.

Octavia slaps her on the shoulder. “Clarke, there are no other tables.” Clarke meets her eyes beseechingly. “It’s fine, Octavia.”

“Hey guys,” Raven sits the drinks down on the table. “Great score.” She flashes a grin at Anya, whom has now reclaimed her seat at the table.

Lexa tries again, “Seriously, it’s cool. We’ll all be up dancing soon anyway.” Costia replaces Clarke at Lexa’s side. There is ping of envy building in Clarke’s stomach.

Anya asks Raven, “How did you manage to get multiple drinks?”

Raven leans in to whisper, “I have my ways.”

Anya clears her throat, “I’m impressed.”

“I’m bored, Lexa come dance with me.” Costia demands. Lexa obeys.

“I think I’m in the mood to dance, too” Raven says as she grabs Anya’s hand to lead her onto the dancefloor.

“I guess that leaves— ” Clarke tries to say to Octavia before realizing the girl is captivated by a tall, muscular guy at the entrance. Apparently it is mutual because the large specimen is staring back at Octavia. Clarke groans. “Just go talk to him.”

“What if he isn’t into me?” Octavia looks concerned.

Clarke laughs, “have you looked in a mirror?” Octavia isn’t impressed with this answer.

“Seriously, you’ll never know if you don’t try.” This seems to do the trick. Clarke watches as Octavia approaches him and the smile on his face indicates this is what he wanted.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Clarke is alarmed by the sudden intrusion. She turns to see a floppy-haired guy staring down at her.

“What?” It comes out a little harsher than she intended. This makes him smile wider.

“Will you dance with me?” He holds out his palm with a goofy grin.

Clarke takes a moment to evaluate him. He is handsome, in a boyish way. Not necessarily her type but he does have endearing brown eyes. What could it hurt? “Sure.” She takes his hand while he leads her to the dancefloor.

Clarke has to give it to him, the boy has rhythm. He manages to keep up with every sway of her hips. She is actually having fun. She rewards him with a laugh and a smile. Clarke catches Lexa looking in their direction. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but Clarke notes a hint of a scowl marking Lexa’s face.

“What’s your name?” the brown-eyed boy asks.

“Clarke. Yours?”

***********************************

Finn motherfucking Collins. Lexa wants to rush in and rescue Clarke. She is new and probably doesn’t know her dance partner is trash. Lexa and Finn have deep-seeded rivalry that dates back to kindergarten. Finn stole Lexa’s favorite coloring pack. When she reported it, he had already spun the story so that Lexa ended up being punished. Not to mention the second round she received once Indra got news of her disobedience. _“You’ve embarrassed your family, Alexandra.” “This will not be tolerated.”_

That story would be meaningless if it wasn’t the moment that set the tone between them. Years following, Finn always managed to get Lexa into trouble for something he caused. He even outed her to everyone in middle-school. Lexa wasn’t ashamed of her sexuality. Her mother had suggested waiting until she was ‘of age’ before sharing that news. Lexa figured her mom wanted to ensure it wasn’t a child’s misunderstanding of her own feelings. Either way, Lexa knew Indra would be disappointed to receive this news, too. _“I warned you.” “You’ll have to endure the teasing.” _Lexa shakes the memories from her mind.

“How cute.”

“Hmm?” Lexa furrows her brows at Costia.

Costia smirks, “Finn finally found a girl on his level.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. “Stop.” She knows Costia is baiting her into an argument. Lexa drops her hands from Costia’s waist. “I need a drink.” Costia watches Lexa walk back to the table, noticing how Lexa watches Clarke and Finn.

Lexa’s friend Echo is sitting at their table. 

“Hey, have you seen Anya?”

Echo shakes her head, then nods to Finn and Clarke. “Who is the new girl with fuckface?”

“Clarke. Anya was dancing on the floor with Raven. Did they leave?” Lexa needs Anya’s advice about handling the Clarke/Finn thing.

“She is hot.” Echo says as she archers her eyebrow.

Lexa clenches her jaws, “yea, so?” She already knows what is coming next.

“Think she is into girls?”

Lexa glances over to see Finn’s hands getting lower and lower. She looks back to Echo.

“You should ask.” Lexa throws back a shot of gin. Echo, grinning, slides another shot to Lexa.

“You could ask, too.” Echo states plainly. Anya is Lexa’s best friend but Echo understands the darker side of Lexa—the unrestrained side. Echo was there the night of the community service party and tried to cover for Lexa.

“I’ve thought about it.” Lexa doesn’t try to hide it with Echo. Since day one, Lexa has appreciated how beautiful Clarke is. But tonight, Clarke looks delicious in that black dress showing off the curves in her waist. 

“I can see that,” Echo’s eyes dilate. “I’m going for it.”

Lexa knows this is a challenge. She narrows her eyes on Echo. Lexa and Echo entertain the concept of being opponents. They’re both popular with girls, but Lexa never felt threatened by the girl. Sure, Echo is an attractive woman— athletic frame, legs for days, a gorgeous head of blonde hair, and the jawline of a god.

“Let me know how that goes,” Is all Lexa offers. Echo looks disappointed.

“No wager?” Echo tries one more time.

“It’s tempting, but I can’t.” Even Lexa is disappointed by her own response.

Echo chugs the remainder of her beer, slams it next to Lexa’s empty shot glass. “You’re no fun.” She croons as she slowly strides to the dancefloor.

********************************

Clarke was briefly annoyed by the interruption until she noticed the attractive being standing before her.

“Hi” the beauty said through a stunning smile. 

“Hey” Clarke managed as she recoiled from Finn’s grasp.

They exchange names, neither one breaking eye-contact.

Finn tries to interject but they both ignore him. Eventually, he walks away, leaving them gawking at one another. Eventually, the pair begins dancing. Clarke enjoyed her time with Finn. That was fun, but this with Echo, this was pleasure. Their bodies are in sync, slowly grinding to the rhythms pouring out from the song. Clarke can feel Echo’s heartbeat in her throat as she holds her tightly against her.

Clarke notices people starting to stare. This only inspires her to grind harder against the girl. Echo surprises her by twirling Clarke until they are face to face. They are centimeters away from kissing. Clarke can now feel her own heartbeat matching the rhythm. Both take deep breaths to fuel their tired lungs. Echo lowers her mouth just enough so that their lips barely touch. Clarke can taste the salt on Echo’s lips. She wants more. She presses up on her tippy toes, crashing their lips together. Echo barely muffles her moan. They slowly part, staring into each other eyes. The music is barely audible.

A sharp sound grabs Clarke’s attention. She looks around, realizing the fire alarm was pulled. Everyone is forced to evacuate the building. Echo tries to pull Clarke through the crowd. However, Clarke lets go to check on Raven and Octavia. She finds Octavia near the exit, scanning for her.

“Clarke!” Octavia waves her arms back and forth. She embraces her in tight hug, “where is Rae?”

“She is catching a ride with Anya.”

“How the fuck are we supposed to get home?!” Clarke throws her hands up.

“We get to drive her car.” Octavia beams. “c’mon let’s get out of here.”

Since a storm-front was blowing through, everyone had to find shelter in their vehicles. Clarke glimpsed Lexa sprinting to a Jeep. Behind her was Echo, hopping into the driver’s side.

“Shit.” Clarke mutters to herself.

“Hmm?” Octavia tilts her head in the direction Clarke is looking.

“Nothing,” Clarke tries to save.

“You didn’t know Echo and Lexa are friends?” Octavia is sporting a sly grin.

“Of course not. How would I?” Clarke liked to consider herself an observant person. Had she missed things?

“They always sit together at lunch,” Octavia is basically calling Clarke out. “Clearly you’re only noticing one girl at that table.” She teases.

Clarke buries her face in her hands.

Octavia giggles, “is she a good kisser?” Clarke slaps Octavia’s thigh. Octavia laughs louder.

“I’m so happy you’re amused.” Clarke mumbles through her fingers.

“What is the big deal?” Octavia genuinely wants to know. It is a good question, and Clarke doesn’t have an answer for it. Lexa and Clarke barely speak but there is something about that girl that lures Clarke in. She doesn’t want to upset Lexa. Clarke bets publicly making out with Lexa’s friends is a way to piss her off.

“Let’s go home, please.”

******************************

“You’ve been quiet,” mentions Echo once they drop-off Costia.

Lexa is still trying to rid herself of the image of Echo and Clarke. I guess she likes girls. Lexa couldn’t shake the feeling that she wanted to be the one kissing Clarke.

“I gave you a heads up.” Echo sees Lexa’s envy. “Besides, you’ve got a girl.”

Lexa side eyes her.

“I’m not mad at you.” Lexa grits through her teeth.

Echo huffs, “Yea, I know you’re not. You have no right to be.”

Lexa looks out the window. The stars are bright tonight. She looks for the moon. When she finds it, she sighs and thinks calming thoughts—this always helped her process things as a child. Some habits die hard.

Echo nervously taps on the steering wheel. Lexa looks at her.

“I’m thinking about asking her on a date.” Echo chews on her bottom lip. _She is anxious?_ Lexa notes. It’s out of character for Echo.

“Okay.” What else can Lexa say? She can’t call dibs on a girl, especially one that isn’t her girlfriend.

“Okay?” Echo asks once more. Lexa nods and returns to looking out the window. She is regretting those extra five shots of gin she inhaled while watching Echo make out with Clarke. Her sense of balance is now a thing of the past. From the driveway, Lexa manages to stumble her way to the front-steps. A sober Echo does her best to support Lexa.

“Are you going to remember this conversation?” Echo grunts while heaving Lexa up the steps.

“I’m not that drunk, Echo” Lexa thinks she responds. However, it comes out more like, “mmm, not that drunk gecko.”

“Good girl,” Echo snorts.

For what seemed like a century, Lexa finally managed to crawl into bed. A sober Lexa would work through her nightly routine of brushing and flossing her teeth, arranging her outfit for the following day, and least of all, changing out of that day’s attire into some pjs. That is a sober Lexa. Here and now is a drunk Lexa, and drunk Lexa gets into bed with her shoes still on—Heathen.


	5. For Now, Let's Get Away

_As Clarke tightens her guard, Lexa slowly leans down. Her lips are hovering above Clarke’s, asking for permission. Clarke slowly trails Lexa’s neck until her hand is intertwined in Lexa’s hair. She pulls Lexa closer until their lips meet. Their kiss is slow, each taking their time to study the other. As Clarke deepens the kiss, Lexa moves to pull off Clarke’s shirt…_

“Alexandra!”

Lexa nearly slips. Maybe fantasizing about someone in the shower isn’t the best idea—especially someone who is not your girlfriend.

Slightly embarrassed and mostly annoyed, Lexa manages a reply, “Yea?!”

“Stop wasting water. Get out and get ready.” Lexa’s mom was never one for words. Indra always believed brevity was most effective. Courtesy was never an option in Lexa’s household—manners above one’s own needs at all costs. Of course, Lexa liked to rebel against these teachings whenever she could. Her family’s aristocracy meant very little to Lexa. That isn’t entirely true. It did mean she had certain obligations to uphold—mostly attending her mother’s board functions. All in all, being born into old money was a pain in Lexa’s ass.

“Yes, ma’am” she said, instantly turning off the shower faucet. Indra certainly wasn’t the woman to piss off. Lexa learned that the hard way.

In the Garden Room, Lexa is met with a polite nod from her mother. Coffee is waiting for her. Thank the heavens for coffee. Lexa adds a little creamer to it while she waits for Indra’s morning ritual—Interrogation.

“Are you ill?”

Lexa winced; she hoped Indra wouldn’t notice the hangover symptoms. “I think it’s just allergies.”

Indra didn’t accept the explanation. “Wrong time of the year for that. We will schedule a visit with your primary physician this week.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Lexa can already hear the Dr. saying, “_You have a lovely case of underage drinking.”_

“Grades?”

“Aside from an A- in calculus, all A’s.” Lexa stares into the swirls of cream against the coffee abyss.

“It’s early in the year; we can get you a tutor.” Indra places a napkin in her lap. Lexa mirrors her action.

“Yes ma’am.” Lexa wanted to argue that she barely had time for a tutor.

“Training?”

“I hope to test for Black belt by next summer.” Lexa waits for it.

“Push that up to December.” Indra says while meticulously slicing through her eggs. They have to be perfectly sunny-side or back to the kitchen they go. They must be perfection because Indra enjoys a bite from them.

Lexa clenches her fist underneath the table.

“Yes, ma’am.” Lexa mashes up her eggs. Nothing is ever good enough for her mother.

“How is Costia?”

_Will this morning end? _Lexa wondered to herself.

“Costia is well. She is running for student body president.” Lexa knew this last bit would please Indra.

Her mother nods, “good.” Indra always approved of Lexa’s relationship with Costia. Both of them came from nobility and therefore the relationship was ‘appropriate.’ It is as romantic as it sounds.

Their breakfast is interrupted with the announcement of Anya’s arrival. _Thank the heavens!_

Before scurrying from the table, Lexa requests permission to be excused. Once approved, she bolts.

“You look happy.” Anya shamelessly pokes fun at Lexa as she climbs into the passenger seat.

“Hungover and quality time with mom,” Lexa says through a feigned grin. Anya groans in return.

“Enough about me,” Lexa pokes at Anya’s neck, “let’s talk about who put this here.”

Anya grins and reaches up to cover the hickey. Lexa didn’t have to ask which girl gave Anya the mark—Raven is a regular for Anya.

“Training wounds.”

“Still training with blue-belts, huh?” Lexa laughs. “Is this why you ditched me at the club?”

Anya ignores the teasing, “Why is your car in the shop again?”

“Mom suggested a tune-up.”

Anya’s eyes widen. “You just had a tune up a couple months ago?!”

Lexa pinches her nose-bridge, “I’m aware, but you know my mom.” Anya just shakes her head.

“Does this mean I’m picking Costia up, too?” Lexa noticed the dread in Anya’s voice.

Laughing she says, “Nope. I gave her a heads up that she should drive herself today.”

“Thank god.” This doesn’t surprise Lexa. Costia and Anya tolerate one another for her sake.

Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Simple Man whispers through the speakers. Anya turns up the music. She has a soft-spot for southern rock.

Tapping to the music, Lexa thinks the Van Zants must have had a good mom.

*****************************

“C minus?!” Clarke is horrified. This is the last Sociology exam before mid-terms. Now, she has little room for mistakes if she hopes to maintain a 4.0 GPA.

“Could be worse,” Raven says grinning at her nearly failing grade.

“This is punishment for sitting in the back with you two.” Clarke wails.

Raven and Octavia both stick their tongues out at Clarke. She scrunches up her nose at them.

“You can’t use that as an excuse, “Octavia says holding up her A+.

“Raven, how does this not bother you?” Clarke remembers Raven saying something about wanting to attend Ivy Leagues.

“It’s just a humanities course, a requirement to graduate,” Raven flips her wrist, “I just need to graduate.”

“It still affects your grade point average.”

Raven pats Clarke’s head, “Sweet girl, I’m basically a prodigy in aerodynamics and engineering.”

Clarks slaps her hand away.

“I’ll have my pick after graduation.”

Clarke places her chin on her hands, “must be nice.”

“Definitely takes the pressure off unnecessary things.” She curls her mouth, “Anya helps alleviate other pressures.”

Clarke and Octavia turn up their nostrils and start mimicking gagging motions. Laughing, Raven collects her things to walk to her next class.

“I think I need a tutor.” Clarke deflates. She has never had to ask for academic assistance, but she cannot grasp the way this professor styles their exams.

“I can try to help,” Octavia volunteers. Clarke is hopeful that Octavia can help her get back on track before mid-terms arrive. Determined to get an early start, Clarke proposes they start this evening and Octavia obliges.

It doesn’t take Clarke long to realize studying with Octavia does more harm than good. Octavia means well but her lack of attention makes focusing near impossible. For Octavia, this isn’t a disaster—she has a photographic memory. Clarke does not. Although learning comes easily to Clarke, she still needs to apply herself and stick to regimented studying methodology.

“Oh, and he was like I like your hair!” Octavia swoons. She has been talking about the muscular dude from the club for fifteen minutes straight. Turns out, this was Lincoln, Anya’s brother. Turns out, Clarke doesn’t care. Don’t get it twisted; Clarke is really happy for her friend. She just really needs to study and can’t for McSwoony pants.

“Octavia” Clarke leans back in her seat. Octavia meets her eyes expectantly.

“I need to study.”

“That’s what we’re doing.” Octavia gestures to all the books.

Clarke realizes that Octavia is unaware or doesn’t understand how distracting conversation is. She surmises that she will need to get a ‘real’ tutor. Sigh.

Defeated, Clarke settles, “It’s Friday, let’s drop the studies and go watch a movie.” Octavia perks up at this.

“Call Raven!”

***************************

Since Costia is out of town, Lexa is free to hang out with Anya. They decide to watch whatever horror film was showing at the local cinema. Horror is Lexa’s favorite genre—not so much Anya’s. Convincing Anya to go see this film took some finesse on Lexa’s part. Basically, she had to promise some of Bill’s burgers and sweet potato fries after the film. Anya loves her some greasy food from the local diner.

“Try not to hold my hand,” Lexa teased. Anya cut her eyes to Lexa, “You wish.”

“What is this film even about?” Anya sighs.

“Not sure, I’m more interested in supporting the director.” 

Anya gives a light shove to Lexa’s shoulder, “you’re such a dork.”

They settle into their theater seats. Lexa toys with the reclining adjustment—she has a preferred viewing angle. As she adjusts between the “vvbbbbrrr” “mmmmmm” “vvvbbbrrrr” vibrations of the chair, her attention lands on a familiar blonde.

Clarke walks into the theater with her posse in tow.

“Vrrrrrrrrrrr” Lexa is sitting completely upright before realizing she kept her finger on the incline button. Anya furrows her brows, but grins once she follows Lexa’s gaze.

“Rae!” Anya calls out. All three look over to Lexa and Anya. Lexa involuntarily sinks in her seat slightly. _Damnit. _

“Come sit with us,” Anya gestures to the empty seats around the two of them.

“Dude,” Lexa grits through her teeth. Anya cuts her off, “Relax. You don’t have to sit by her.”

“Ahem.”

Spooked, Lexa and Anya look up to meet an expectant Clarke trying to walk past them. _Did she hear that? _Lexa worries.

“Don’t worry; I’ll sit as far away from you as possible.” Clarke maintains eye-contact with Lexa. _Yup, she heard them._ But before Lexa could salvage anything, Clarke breaks eye-contact to sit in the seat at the end of the row. Octavia fills the seat to her left, with Rae sitting between Octavia and Anya.

It was hard for Lexa to focus on the film. She felt guilty about Clarke. She doesn’t want her intentions to be misconstrued. Judging by Clarke’s reaction, it was clear Lexa looked like an asshole. Lexa notices Clarke get up, and without thinking gets up to follow.

She can tell Clarke is headed towards the restrooms. Lexa knows she needs to catch Clarke before she walks in there. It would be a little creepy to follow her in. Before Lexa speeds up, Clarke swiftly turns on her heels until they are face to face. Lexa barely stops in time before running smack into her.

“Fuck” Lexa pulls back. Clarke doesn’t flinch.

“Why are you following me?”

“I think you misunderstood that stuff from earlier,” Lexa tries. Clarke crosses her arms. Lexa continues, “I don’t have problem with you sitting next to me.”

“Just a problem with my existence?” Clarke claps back.

“Wait, not what I’m saying.” Lexa can sense an escalation.

Clarke takes a step closer to Lexa. Their noses are nearly touching. Lexa notices the scents of vanilla and lavender. She cannot help herself; she breathes in deeply. Vanilla is one of Lexa’s favorites. She flares her nostrils once more before noticing Clarke stepping back. Her eyes are wide.

“Are you sniffing me?”

Horrified, Lexa retorts to laughing. The laughter is subtle at first, with her shoulders bouncing up and down in rhythm with silent laughter. Then the giggles come out. Before she knows it, Lexa is laughing so hard tears start to roll from her eyes. Clarke joins her.

“I guess that…” Clarke tries to steady her laughter, “answers my question. You fucking creep.” She says playfully.

“My apologies,” Lexa manages as she cradles her sides.

Clarke tilts her head to look at Lexa.

“What scores are you receiving in sociology?”

What a fucking random question. Lexa was unsure what Clarke’s intentions were. Lexa wondered if Clarke was that competitive. She noticed the girl’s competitive nature in jiu jitsu, and apparently it extends to academia.

Figuring it a harmless question, Lexa says with a shrug, “A’s.” Clarke slowly nods while nipping the inside of her lips. Lexa takes a moment to appreciate the supple pink on Clarke’s lips. Lexa obligingly starts to lean in closer. She can imagine how soft those lips would feel against her own. She notices that the blue eyed girl’s mouth naturally sits in a pout, “so lovely,” she whispers.

“What was that?” Clarke’s mouth goes tight as she takes a step back. Lexa’s eyes widen.

With a cough, she explains, “So far, I’ve scored A’s. Why?”

Clarke smiles, “I have to go pee now,” and turns on her heels to walk down the hallway.

Lexa wrinkles her brows. Before Clarke is out of earshot, Lexa add, “You’re insane!”

Clarke looks over her shoulder, “You owe me one.” Lexa blinks. What the hell could Lexa owe her for?

Lexa settles back into her theater seat. Unfortunately, she has backstage access to Anya and Raven’s make out session. It looks more like something you would see on Discovery. Raven’s arms keep brushing Lexa… or is it Anya? At this point, Lexa can’t tell where one begins and the other ends. She leans forward to see that Octavia helped herself to Clarke’s seat at the end of the row—smart girl. Lexa decides to put a seat between her and the rabbits.

Clarke takes the seat on Lexa’s left. Surprised, Lexa turns to look at her just as Clarke shoves something into her shirt pocket. She looks down. Toilet paper? She opens the square to find a number and inscription: “Be my sociology tutor?”

“How romantic,” Lexa smirks. Clarke rolls her eyes, “Well?”

“Sure. When?”

“We can figure that out later.” Clarke whispers while indicating that they are in a theater. She places a fingers on Lexa’s lips in a “shh” motion. Lexa isn’t sure how to settle the butterflies in her stomach at Clarke’s touch. The finger lingers for a second longer before Clarke drops her hand to her lap. They are still looking at each other. When did blue become Lexa’s favorite color?

Hoping to break the tension, Lexa decides to break eye contact. However, her tactics may not have been the greatest. She chooses to remove her eyes from swirls of blue only to place them on the cleavage peeping through the Clarke’s shirt. This doesn’t go unnoticed. Clarke gently clears her throat. Lexa snaps her head to the theater screen. Something about this girl makes Lexa act like an amateur.


	6. Crayons

Saturdays are Clarke’s favorite. Sure, Saturday morning cartoons are no longer a gimmick but that doesn’t stop Clarke. Every Saturday morning, you’ll find Clarke piled under the thickest blankets she can find. In one hand, there is a cup of room temperature coffee. In the other, is a remote flicking to her chosen anime for the day.

“Full Metal Alchemist,” Her mom asks as she enters the living room, “again?”

Clarke throws her arms up, “It’s a classic.” Her coffee sloshes a few drops onto the rug. Abby looks to the spill then back to her daughter. “Really?” She purses her lips.

“Absolutely!” Clarke bellows.

“I meant the mess.” Abby arches her eyebrows. Clarke looks to the floor then to her Tasmanian devil, coffee mug.

“Ah, yea I’ll clean that,” Clarke finishes with a closed-mouth grin.

Abby surprises Clarke by plopping down on the sofa next to her.

“What is this?” Clarke gestures to a relaxed Abby.

“I’m relaxing,” Abby says rationally. This never happens. Abby Griffin does not relax. This makes Clarke uneasy. Her hands begin to clam up. Is Abby about to share some troubling news and this her strange way of alleviating the blow?

Abby notices Clarke’s uneasiness, “unless, you prefer to watch anime alone?”

“You’re really relaxing?” Clarke searches Abby’s eyes for any deception, “what about work?”

“I’ve decided to take a day off.” Abby reaches for Clarke’s box of cracker-jacks. Clarke is skeptical but decides to drop it.

“Cool— ” Clarke begins.

“If you don’t have lunch plans, there is someone I would like you to meet.” Abby pops a kernel into her mouth. Crunch. Clarke has a pit in her stomach. She knew there was a catch.

“Someone?” Clarke feels her defenses rising.

“Someone I’ve been seeing.” This sounds like an echo in Clarke’s mind. Dating? Her mom is dating? Clarke wonders when her mom finds the time. She is always working. Maybe ‘work’ is code for something else. How could Abby do this? It’s only been a year since… Clarke holds back tears. She sits up. Abby gently places pressure on her arm, “I would like an answer.”

A burst of laughter escapes her mouth. Does Abby really think Clarke will agreeably meet this dude? Clarke is distracted by a buzzing on the sofa cushion. Realizing it is her phone, Clarke picks it up.

_Unknown: Sociology tutoring… when/where?_

Clarke knows it is Lexa. She adds her to contacts.

_Clarke: Why are you thinking about school on a Saturday, creep?_

_Lexa (Creep): … _

_Lexa (Creep): This is why I get A’s. _

Clarke chuckles.

“Clarke.” Shocked, Clarke looks at her mother. For a moment, she forgot all about her.

“Fine, but I’m ordering the most expensive shit they offer.” Clarke looks back at her phone. Abby sighs and walks to the kitchen.

_Clarke: Fair enough. _

_Clarke: Tomorrow? Around noon? We can grab lunch._

_Lexa (Creep): Are you asking me out? _Clarke scrunches her nose. Lexa is shameless.

_Clarke: Lunch is hardly romantic. I’ve got better moves than that. _Clarke knows she shouldn’t but it’s too fun not to. Lexa takes the bait.

_Lexa (Creep): I’ll have to see it to believe it. _

Clarke contemplates a response. She reminds herself that Lexa is in a relationship. But before she can respond, Lexa replies.

_Lexa (Creep): Meet me at Bill’s Diner at 11:30AM. _

_Clarke: How do you know I’m not vegetarian? _

_Lexa (Creep): You can eat fries. _

_Clarke: Deal._

Clarke returns to her anime and coffee. She can smell eggs and bacon in the kitchen. At first, Clarke’s stomach perks up at the aroma. But, this doesn’t last long. Her mind catches up. Clarke remembers the last time Abby made breakfast. _“These are the tastiest eggs in all of the world!” Jake praises. He shovels a mouthful of eggs into his mouth. Clarke giggles as she watches him. He starts to mimic a T-Rex before taking a chomp out of a piece of bacon. Clarke laughs louder. “My turn!” She exclaims. Knowing Clarke was mimicking her favorite dinosaur the velociraptor, Jake plays along, “Clever girl.” Abby playfully fusses at them to stop messing around. Then Jake’s phone rings… _Clarke swallows the lump in her throat.

“Cooking?”

Abby looks over her shoulders and gestures to the cabinets, “grab some plates, it’s nearly ready.” Clarke obeys. She opts for the worn Disney dishes they’ve managed to hold onto since she was a kid. She hands Hercules and Simba to her mother. She catches Abby smiling at the plates.

“Vvbbrrr, vvvbbrrrr” Clarke’s phone startles both of them. Abby notices the “Lexa (Creep)” name flash across the screen. Clarke sees the confusion on Abby’s face, or is that concern?

“Lexa Woods.”

Abby recognizes the name, “the girl that gave you the campus tour?”

“Yea, she is going to tutor me in Socio—shit,” Clarke pinches the bridge of her nose. Her mom is going to strangle her. Clarke buckles in for the reprimand: _A tutor?! What do you mean you’re performance is low?! Blah blah, disappointed, blah blah. _

Instead, Abby laughs and says, “I sucked at sociology, too. I was always more of a science and math girl.” Clarke blinks rapidly. Who is this woman sitting across from her? It certainly isn’t Abby hard-ass Griffin.

Clarke decides to roll with it. “Ha, yeah I guess we have some things in common.” She didn’t know what else to say. She mostly wanted to speed right over this entire scenario.

“It’s good you’re taking initiative,” Abby says through a mouthful of crispy bacon.

Clarke snatches the remainder of Abby’s bacon and stuffs it into her mouth.

“Hey!” Abby laughs.

“Rawwr” Clarke grins.

**************************

Lexa rubs her jeans, trying to dry her hands. She checks her watch for the fifteenth time. 

_11:27AM_ She sighs.

The sound of a car siren blaring momentarily distracts her. Lexa is amused by the young (around 15) girl trying to fight with her car. Apparently, the girl locked her keys inside the vehicle. Lexa starts to go offer assistance, but noticed a nearby officer taking initiative. Lexa is amused by the interaction. The nice officer was clearly enjoying a lunch break… judging by the amount of food particles clinging to his grizzly beard. Gross.

Lexa looked down at her watch again. 11:37AM She scrunched up her nose. _Where is she?_

Lexa had a habit for showing up early—punctuality was engraved in her bones. Indra never tolerated anything less than perfection. However, Lexa never minded always being on time. The only frustrating part of it was that she was always waiting on other people. Lexa had to admit, she didn’t have any tolerance for tardiness either.

_11:45 AM_

Lexa craned her neck at her watch one last time. She thought about texting Clarke but at this point, spite has taken control.

With an internal _fuck it,_ Lexa slings her backup onto her shoulders and walks toward her car.

A white Tacoma whips into the parking lot slinging gravel. Lexa raises her forearms to protect her face. She is furious. She looks into the cab to see the driver—it’s Raven. The passenger door swings open as Clarke bounces out of the cab. Lexa searches to lock eyes with Raven, giving her a non-verbal warning. Raven mouths “sorry,” puts the truck in D and drives off.

“Hi!” Clarke says as she skips up to Lexa.

Without any acknowledgement, Lexa walks toward her car.

“Hey!” Clarke speeds up her stride. Lexa continues to ignore her.

Clarke stops chasing. “Are you mad at me?”

“You’re late.” Lexa throws out as she pops the trunk of her car.

Clarke laughs. “Fifteen minutes.”

“You think disrespecting other people’s time is funny?” Lexa opens the driver door and finds Clarke’s eyes over the hood of the car. Clarke tilts her head.

“I didn’t peg you for a drama queen.” Clarke winks.

Lexa is not amused. However, her heart does a quick hop scotch in response to that wink. _Traitor. _Before she gives anything away, Lexa decides to end the scene by getting into the driver’s seat. She can hear Clarke’s muffled voice spattering on about how “unbelievable” and “unreasonable” Lexa is. She fusses with her seatbelt. Why do they always get a kink? There must be a goblin whose sole job is to go around fucking up seatbelts.

The passenger door opens and closes.

Lexa looks up in surprise just in time to touch noses with Clarke—vanilla and lavender fills her senses. Clarke helped herself to the passenger seat and is pompously resting her elbows on the armrest. Lexa crosses her eyes to look at their touching noses. Clarke giggles and sits back in the passenger seat. Lexa is fighting the calming sensation left by the strong vanilla and lavender aroma.

“Where are we going?” Clarke clicks the seatbelt in place.

“We,” Lexa annunciates, “are not going anywhere.”

Ignoring Lexa’s snarl, Clarke fidgets with radio dial. “Does this thing have Bluetooth?”

Lexa cannot believe the audacity. First off, this is a 2020 Subaru BRZ. Of course it has Bluetooth. Secondly, where does Clarke get off thinking she can hop into any vehicle she pleases?

Lexa slumps her head forward. “You’re not giving up are you?”

Clarke grins, “I need a tutor.”

Sighing, Lexa suggests they continue with plans by heading into the diner.

“One moment, I have to make a call.” Lexa adds. Clarke nods and heads towards the diner. Once Clarke is several feet from the car, Lexa starts the engine, slams it in drive and pulls out of the parking lot. She can see a furious Clarke sprinting towards her, arms flailing. Sure, Lexa will feel bad later but right now, her vindictive nature is satisfied.

Thinking about her free Sunday afternoon, Lexa decides to make use of it. She uses her hands-free functionality to call Anya. “Doing anything?”


	7. I Found the Devil

“TAP!” Clarke cries.

Clarke’s shoulder is burning. Her latest rolling partner Murphy, the only other purple belt, released Clarke from the omoplato submission. Clarke rubs at the angry shoulder. Why does she keep getting caught in his submissions? Clarke was always a natural but did a year’s sabbatical really thwart her abilities?

Their coach discusses Clarke’s mistakes and congratulates Murphy for exploiting them—he managed more than one submission in this roll. At this rate, Clarke wonders if she will be demoted from purple belt. Can that happen?

“Okay, that’s it for tonight. Good work, team!” coach dismisses them.

“Try not to be bummed,” Murphy gently shoulder checks Clarke. She gives him a half-hearted smile.

“Thanks,” she sighs, “I’m normally better than this.” Clarke chews on her bottom lip.

“Just a bad night,” Murphy shrugs, “see ya.” Clarke watches him grab is duffle bag and exit the gym. Murphy was an interesting character. Clarke noticed that he took public transit to and from school. She wondered about his home life and why he didn’t take the school bus home. These were certainly things she could ask him, but she didn’t get the impression he was open to probing. Anytime she tried to ask anything personal, he would direct the conversation back to training. He is so aloof that she was surprised that he agreed to train with her.

Her thoughts are interrupted by some cheering in the south corner. Clarke turns to see what is happening. She can see that two people are rolling—apparently class isn’t exactly over. She walks closer to get a better view.

It’s Anya and Lexa rolling. Clarke missed the take-down but their ground game is equally entertaining. Each moment it looks like one has bested the other, the other flips the script. Clarke can hear Raven wooing over the crowd. She is no doubt rooting for Anya. More than Murphy, the relationship between Raven and Anya is a mystery all in its own. They aren’t exclusively or even openly dating but neither dates other people. And they are always getting caught hooking up in the locker room. However, if you ask one about the other, you will get an “Ew, drop it.” Clarke learned it was best to not draw attention to them.

Lexa ends up submitting Anya with a triangle. It’s an impressive maneuver. Lexa was in Anya’s guard but managed to pass and get into position for the triangle. To someone untrained, it looked effortless. Clarke knew better. Lexa had zero room for mistakes; otherwise she would have been unprotected. Impressed, Clarke claps along with the group. “Commander wins again!” someone in the crowd shouts.

Lexa stands up, catching Clarke’s eyes and displays a cocky smirk. Clarke grimaces. Lexa hasn’t spoken to her since the tutoring debacle. That was two weeks ago. Granted, it wasn’t like they talked much anyway. Also, Clarke had no interest in talking to her. Who reacts that way to someone being fifteen minutes late? Lexa didn’t even give Clarke a chance to explain herself. Clearly, Lexa has some issues and Clarke doesn’t have the energy to care.

Octavia taps a finger on Clarke’s shoulder. “Are you ready?” Octavia tilts her head toward the exit. Clarke nods and steps in unison with Octavia. Raven is nowhere in sight… probably off somewhere ‘consoling’ Anya.

“How long do you think Raven will be?” Clarke groans. Octavia raises her arms in a _no fucking clue_ manner.

Clarke hears her name from the parking lot. She looks up to see Lexa jogging towards her. Great, what does she want?

“Clarke.”

“What do you want?” Clarke keeps walking toward Raven’s vehicle. Lexa keeps following.

“Slow down, I want to talk.” Lexa pushes her hair back from falling forward.

“Oh, now you want to talk?” Clarke knows she is being petty, but she couldn’t care less. However, Lexa looked unscathed by the remark. Does Lexa really think she is above all things? Clarke didn’t get that first impression of her but hey, she has misjudged people before. Her mind starts to wonder to her dad. _“You’re my favorite baby bear, Clarke.” _He would always tell her. _“I’m your only baby bear!”_ she would retort. Lexa draws Clarke’s attention back to the present.

“I’m sorry.” She simply states. Clarke’s eyes widen. She certainly didn’t expect an apology from Ms. High and mighty.

“You should be.” Clarke really should just accept the apology and move on.

“You should have been on time.” Lexa crosses her arms. Clarke is momentarily distracted by the biceps. From the roll, Lexa is glistening with sweat. It’s making her muscles look more defined than normal. Suddenly, Clarke felt herself wanting to reach out and touch them. _Snap out of it! _She reprimands herself.

“Can we call a truce?” Lexa propositions.

Clarke considers this. Why does Lexa care? What would she gain from a friendship or truce with Clarke? Deciding it was in her best interest, Clarke agrees. They shake on it. Clarke didn’t realize her hands were that much smaller than Lexa’s. Then she notices the vascularity in Lexa’s hands and arms. She bets Lexa has less than 15% body fat. Realizing she is still holding onto Lexa’s hand, Clarke drops it and steps back. She can’t trust herself to stand too closely. She can’t underestimate how attractive Lexa is…even though she would rather ignore it altogether.

“You did a good job in your roll earlier,” Lexa tries. Clarke scoffs. Lexa smiles at her. Now Clarke is getting lost in dimples.

“Seriously though,” Lexa steps forward, closer to Clarke, “I can train with you.”

Clarke shakes her head, “It makes more sense for you to train with Anya. You’re both brown belts.”

Lexa giggles, “I meant on our own time.”

“Why,” Clarke presses her index finger into Lexa’s shoulder, “what is in it for you?”

Lexa’s cheeks flush. That was interesting. Clarke tilts her head, waiting for an answer.

“Um,” Lexa starts but is cut off by Anya calling her name. Raven and Anya must have finished up, because Clarke has already spotted Raven walking towards the vehicle.

“I have to go.” Clarke abruptly says as she sprints toward Raven and Octavia, leaving a gaping Lexa behind. The irony isn’t lost on Clarke. She smiles, fully proud of herself, as she climbs into the backseat.

********************************

After some polite conversation about training, Clarke and Abby head towards their bedrooms. Clarke just wants to plop down, face first into her bed. However, she has some calculus homework berating her. The material isn’t difficult; she would just prefer to procrastinate. Her tendency to procrastinate landed her in the position in the first place. The homework was assigned last week. She waited until the last moment, which is tonight, to complete the assignment.

Luckily, she brewed some tea to remain alert. She first tried playing some music but all that resulted in were random dance breaks. Clarke is about halfway through the assignment when she gets an alert from her phone.

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): I’m serious about training. _

Clarke is proud of her contact adjustment. She giggles thinking about Lexa’s reaction should she ever see it.

_Clarke: I’m serious about training, too._

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): …_

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): I mean training together. _

_Clarke: No_

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): Why not?_

_Clarke: You’re an asshole _

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): Never._

_Clarke: I couldn’t even get you to help me with Sociology! _

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): You were late! _

_Clarke: Are you feeling okay? _

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): … yea?_

_Clarke: Impressive_

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): ???_

_Clarke: It’s just I would be uncomfortable with a stick that far up my ass. _

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): are you finished? _

_Clarke: One more… _

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): *eye roll*_

_Clarke: NVM, I’ll save it for the perfect moment. _

_Clarke: Fine, I’ll let you train me. But you have to tutor me in soc, too. Deal?_

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): Deal. _

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): We can start now._

_Clarke: I’m not doing this over text._

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): outside_

Clarke freezes. She looks at the message again. Is Lexa serious? Panicking, Clarke tries to pitch some sort of outfit together. She was not about to let Lexa see her in her raggedy ass pajamas. Sure, Clarke shouldn’t care about Lexa’s opinion of her. But, having holes in the crotch of your thread-bare pants is a place to draw the line.

After changing, she rushes to the window—no one in sight. She grabs her phone.

_Clarke: I don’t see you._

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): Good, because I’m not actually there._

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): LMAO_

_Clarke: … what is wrong with you?_

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): see you in class tomorrow, loser._

Clarke wonders what the point of all that was. She was getting tired of being the butt of Lexa’s lame jokes. As if the texts were not enough of a distraction, Clarke gets a follow request alert. It’s from Echo, the girl at the club. Since that all happened a few weeks ago, Clarke figured it was a onetime thing. She isn’t disappointed by this request. She accepts and requests to follow Echo in return. Echo accepts and sends Clarke a dm.

@Echoecho: Hi

@notc.clarke: Hi

@Echoecho: I don’t see you on campus. What gives?

Clarke likes knowing Echo was looking for her. She decides to play it flirty.

@notc.clarke: maybe I prefer it that way?

@Echoecho: Cinderella after midnight thing?

That scored some points for Echo on the Disney reference. Seriously, it’s hard not to get on Clarke’s good side with a well-placed Disney mention. That and of course some serious tongue action… Echo is a great kisser. Clarke may have thought about that moment a few times in the shower.

@notc.clarke: I’m not a princess

@Echoecho: … not what I heard ;)

Damn, Raven! Clarke had a sneaky suspicion that Raven was trying to get everyone to start calling her princess. Clarke wondered if Lexa knew. She shakes her head… why is she thinking about Lexa?

@notc.clarke: *pouty face*

@Echoecho: oh no, please no pouty face! Let me make it up to you.

Clarke grins. “Works like a charm,” she mumbles to herself.

@notc.clarke: you can try ;)

@Echoecho: go out with me this Friday?

Clarke’s phone vibrates, indicating a text. She looks down at her phone.

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): want to meet up Friday?_

Did these two plan this?!

Clarke is surprised by her desire to meet up with Lexa. She should choose school over a date, right? She is trying to convince herself that it is studies over an attractive Lexa that she is interested in. Clearly this is the case because Echo is gorgeous, too. There is nothing special about Lexa.

Maybe she could do both.

_Clarke: Depends. What time?_

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): uh oh, got a date?_

_Clarke: Maybe_

Maybe not if she wastes more time leaving Echo on ‘seen.’

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): right after school? _

_Clarke: Perfect, thanks _ _J_

_Lexa (assholey of holeys): a smiley face?! OMG _

Clarke doesn’t reward her with a response. Instead, she makes plans with Echo to meet up around 7 pm. That should give Clarke and Lexa plenty of time to finish up their tutor session. Come to think of it, Clarke isn’t sure if it’s BJJ or Soc tutoring. She will have to work that out by Friday, but right now, she needs to get through this forsaken Calc homework.

*****************************

“Excuse me?!”

Lexa figured Costia would handle things like this—plenty of shouting.

“What do you mean you have Friday plans with Clarke?!”

Lexa is waiting for the ranting to end before responding. She knows Costia has a few more bellows left inside. There is no point in trying to reason with her when she is like this. After a few minutes, Costia composes herself.

This is Lexa’s moment.

“It’s just tutoring. Sociology is hardly a sexy subject.”

Costia blinks at her, “Lexa that is hardly the point!”

Lexa goes to respond but is cutoff by Costia, “I asked you to stay away from her.”

Costia has a point there. Why did Lexa insist on keeping Clarke in her life? Surely, there is more to it other than how attractive Lexa thinks Clarke is.

“She needs help and I was tasked with it,” Lexa lies a little. Costia knew Lexa was on academic probation so it would be believable that Lexa had to perform some ‘community service’ tasks.

“Oh.” Costia calms. She knows it is partly her fault for Lexa getting into trouble. Guilt has a way of putting things into perspective.

“Yea,” Lexa takes the win, “Afterwards, we can hit up the movies or something.” Costia nods her head. She takes Lexa’s hand as they walk towards the cafeteria table. Everyone is watching a match-up of arm wrestling between Anya and Bellamy. Bellamy always wins but that doesn’t stop Anya. The girl is too ornery and stubborn to admit that anyone could be stronger than her.

Echo slides into the empty spot next to Lexa.

“Hey, got a sec?”

Lexa nods, “yea, what’s up?”

“Remember that conversation we had the night of the club?” Echo tries to mention this quietly but Costia was alerted to the word ‘club.’ She has now inserted herself into the conversation. Lexa gives Echo warning eyes.

“I think so, why?” Lexa is praying this doesn’t turn into another fight with Costia. Clarke is a trigger for Costia and they just calmed down from the last fight that caused.

“I have a date with Clarke Friday night.” Echo looks away to avoid eye-contact. She starts tapping her pudding spoon against the table. At this, Costia looks directly at Lexa.

So that is why Clarke asked about timing. Lexa notes the ping in her chest. Why does this bother her?

“Cool,” is all that she manages. Echo acknowledges the peace and changes subjects. Costia looked like she wanted to add something but the table erupts into cheers. Anya sloshed her water into Bellamy’s face after her defeat. She is sore loser. Lexa giggles. She admires how fiery and carefree Anya is. That girl does not give one, single fuck.

Lexa may have been spared in that moment, but this was not so for the ride home after school.

“What did you and Echo talk about after I was dropped off?” Costia leans across the armrest.

Lexa is cautious with her words.

“Echo wanted some advice on how to ask Clarke out.” Clearly, this is a bold lie, but it appeases Costia’s suspicion. Right now, Lexa just wants to avoid another argument. Costia takes Lexa’s chin into her hands and guides her mouth up to meet her own. First, the kiss is slow. Costia tenderly kisses the sides of Lexa’s lips. Lexa takes the lead and deepens the kiss. Lexa starts pulling on Costia’s jeans. Costia places a hand to stop Lexa, “Wait, my parents aren’t home for another hour.” They lock eyes. Costia continues, “want to come inside?”

Lexa grins, “is that a euphemism?” Costia giggles, shakes her head and leads Lexa into the house.

Lexa sloppily tries to remove her jeans, but she forgot to untie her converse first. She doesn’t have time to address either situation because Costia forces her onto the couch. Shoes on, pants down with a straddling Costia isn’t the worst predicament Lexa has found herself. She wings it.

Costia starts to grind against Lexa as Lexa tries to remove Costia’s shirt. Their coordination is messy but they manage to expose some skin.

*_click*_

Lexa is momentarily distracted from the kisses Costia is trailing up her neck. Costia removes her bra. Lexa starts to nip at Costia’s breasts.

*click*

Just as Lexa realizes the front door is being opened, it’s too late. Costia’s parents have front-side seats to their tryst.

“One hour, huh?” Lexa spits at Costia. Costia is humiliated.

“Ahem,” Costia’s father clears his throat. He tries to look anywhere that doesn’t have his shirtless, braless daughter straddling a pants-less idiot.

“Lexa, I think you should go home.” Costia’s mother states the obvious.

“Yes ma’am,” Lexa quickly jerks up her pants and speeds past them without so much a goodbye. Her mother would shit if she knew Lexa abandoned her manners. Politeness went out the door when Lexa decided to defile their daughter in their own home—on the couch, no less.

In the safety of her car, Lexa bursts into fits of laughter. She knows she should feel shame but the situation was too funny. Costia’s parents were evangelical molds of humans. They already struggle with Costia’s homosexuality. The thought of them getting nightmares over seeing this has Lexa grasping her sides. She takes a moment to take a few, deep breaths. No sense in hyperventilating.

This has helped lift Lexa’s spirits over the Echo/Clarke thing. Hopefully, she will be able to shake this resentment completely. Echo deserves her friend’s support and loyalty.


	8. Keep Haunting Me

Because of what happened the last time, Clarke was determined to be punctual. Unfortunately, that put her in the situation of hanging out in the gym, alone.

Clarke enters the gym. It’s quiet and dark. She looks around to find the main light switch. Campus and its buildings were already intimidating; walking around in one in pitch darkness was not on Clarke’s to do-list. After moving some mats leaning against the wall, Clarke locates the light switch. It only turns on half of the lights. Great, now it seems spookier. There is just enough light to help her see all of the shadow-figures creeping about. There aren’t any, of course, but this doesn’t stop goosebumps from trailing up her arms.

“I swear to God if she stands me up…” Clarke mumbles to herself.

“Did I hear a grouch?!”

Clarke jumps. Lexa sneaks around the bleachers with a fat grin. Clarke playfully slaps her on the arms.

“Don’t scare me,” Clarke tries to calm her breaths. Lexa stands in front of her, her shoulders shake with giggle spasms.

“Grab those mats,” Lexa points to the ones leaning against the wall, “and set them up here.” Lexa points to the center of the gym floor.

Clarke dutifully starts grabbing mats, one by one, in unison with Lexa. They quietly work, lining up the mats so that they form a 10 ft by 10ft square. Clarke tries to focus on the task and not Lexa’s body working underneath the rash guards. Lexa hasn’t pulled her hair into a braid—at this moment it flows freely around her face and shoulders as she busies herself with the mats. Clarke never before noticed how naturally wavy and curly Lexa’s hair is. It’s like a mane, almost. The golden hints against the chestnut brown bring a warming sensation to Clarke’s belly. It’s almost like piling under the blankets to drink hot chocolate during a winter storm.

Of course, it’s been a long time since Clarke thoroughly enjoyed some hot chocolate in colder, increment weather. Partly because the last two years were spent living on the west coasts of California where seasons are only in tv series. Now that they are living in this small, Virginia town, Clarke fully anticipates full doses of winter. The other reason for not enjoying hot chocolate has been a looming shadow for 3 years now. It was something she shared with Jake, her father.

“THWACK” Clarke tries to steady herself. Did Lexa just toss a gi at her face?

“Get that on.” Lexa tries to stifle her amusement.

“You’re going to pay for that.” Clarke tries to make her threat believable. Lexa is a brown-belt, a full grade above Clarke’s. It would take a miracle for her to best this opponent. However, in the words of Myra…miracles happen, once in a while.

This rolling session was not a miracle. Lexa managed to best every maneuver Clarke tried to pull. However, there was one moment where Lexa left herself open, and Clarke was going to put everything into exploiting it.

Panting, Clarke cranks on Lexa’s arm.

“You don’t…” grunting , Lexa manages, “have it.” Clarke imagines it is difficult to teach with your face pressed against the mat. Making sure to close any distance, Clarke evaluates the situation. She realizes she needs to raise her hips… a little further and “TAP” Lexa gives a verbal submission.

Clarke leaps from the mat, “FUCK yes!” Lexa lays on her back laughing at Clarke’s elation. Clarke does a couple laps around the gym in Rocky fashion.

“All of this for one submission?” Lexa rolls to her elbows, watching. Clarke slows to a walk, grinning she nods at Lexa. Clarke has to admit, Lexa looked appealing laying out on the mat in that manner. Shaking her head, Clarke indicates another round.

“Again?” Lexa huffs. She rolls until her back is against the mat. She sprawls out like a starfish. “I’m exhausted!”

Ignoring her, Clarke crawls into Lexa’s guard. She notices Lexa’s demeanor turns serious. Lexa raises her guard, tightens and pulls Clarke closer. Clarke tries to settle her breathing. They have rolled for an hour now. Should she not be used to this by now? She would like to assume it was the laps around the gym that has her heart racing.

Lexa leans up on her elbows. Their faces are closer now. Clarke looks into Lexa’s emerald eyes. She notices some sadness there… and maybe fear? Odd. Clarke couldn’t think of one reason why Lexa would be afraid. She continues to study her…. Long enough to watch Lexa’s gaze go from her eyes to her lips. Instinctively, Clarke licks her lips. Lexa locks eyes with Clarke once more. Now it’s Lexa’s turn to lick her lips.

“I want you,” Lexa whispers. Her whisper was so low that Clarke thought she made it up. But Lexa’s hand comes up to cup Clarke’s neck.

Clarke tries to remind herself that Lexa has a girlfriend. She shouldn’t do this. This is wrong. This is… what she wants.

Clarke leans in further until their noses touch. Their lips are a heart-beat away from one another. Clarke can feel Lexa’s shagged breaths against her, can smell the salt in the sweat dripping from Lexa’s nose. Clarke knows Lexa is waiting on her to make the first move. She leans in to close the distance but they are interrupted by thy gymnasium door. They immediately scatter from one another. Clarke looks to see that it is Anya coming to join them.

“Am I too late?” Anya raises her arms. It doesn’t seem like she caught them. Clarke relaxes at this.

“We started an hour ago.” Lexa’s annoyance was unfiltered. Clarke hoped it had more to do with the interruption’s timing and nothing to do with the noticeable, hickey marks trailing Anya’s neck-line.

Anya is unbothered.

“We’re actually wrapping up,” Clarke adds as she unties her belt. Lexa quickly jerks her head towards Clarke, her brows furrowed. Clearly she was not expecting Clarke’s answer.

“I have a date.” Clarke says to no one in particular but the reminder hit Lexa. She notices Lexa stiffen her posture with a quick nod in acknowledgement.

“You actually found someone to date your crusty ass?” Anya crosses her arms and gives Clarke a sideways glance before adding, “I guess you do have a hot bod. Make sure not to talk too much or you’ll ruin it.”

Lexa snorts. Clarke gives her a sharp look.

“Raven certainly thinks so.” Raven is constantly complimenting Clarke. Sure, it’s more in a friendly manner but Anya doesn’t have to know that.

Lexa laughs out loud at this. Anya continues to stare Clarke down. Clarke flashes both of them a grin and with that, hoists her duffle bag onto her shoulders and walks out.

“See you around.” She says to Lexa.

****************************

Gasping, Clarke tries to move the seatbelt buckle from pressing against her spine. Echo is pressed against her, hot lips running over her neck. They were supposed to see a move. They didn’t make it out of the jeep.

Clarke expected there to be more room in the backseat. However, trying to coordinate with Echo made her realize how compact it is. Echo’s full lips are pressed against Clarke’s. Clarke traces her hands up Echo’s stomach, Echo moans in return. Breathless, Echo pauses to remove Clarke’s jeans. She is struggling. Mortified, Clarke berates herself for wearing skinny jeans tonight. Impatient, Clarke captures Echo’s mouth again. She guides Echo’s hands into her pants to show she is ready. This seems to give Echo enough adrenaline to pull down Clarke’s pants enough to slide her hand fully into them. She starts to caress Clarke. Clarke quickly tugs on Echo’s jeans, which graciously come off easier than her own.

Clarke braces herself against the fogged-up windows as Echo thrusts her fingers inside of her. Echo tries a few different tempos, stroking slowly then faster. Clarke’s orgasm takes some finessing. Purring, she pushes Echo onto her back so that she can service her. Clarke is hoping the humidity keeps the windows fogged up so that no one can peer into the vehicle. Otherwise, that person is going to get quite a view.

Echo muffles her orgasm with a tattered hoodie. In exhaustion, Clarke collapses onto Echo. They spend a couple moments gathering their breaths.

“That was,” taking a deep breath, Echo inhales, “amazing.” Clarke couldn’t fully agree. Sex in a vehicle was always fun but there were definitely better ways to fuck. Not wanting to hurt Echo’s feelings, Clarke gives her a quick peck on the lips and a breathy, “definitely.” This wasn’t to say Echo’s skills were lacking… constant probing by a seatbelt buckle had a way of dimming the mood.

Clarke rises to a slanted, seating position to jerk her jeans into place. Echo does the same.

“We can still see the movie,” Echo says while checking her watch. Clarke grabs her wrist and admires the jewelry. It’s a black on black, modern face by Citizen. It’s gorgeous. Recognizing that she still hasn’t answered Echo, Clarke quickly processes her desires. She enjoys hanging out with Echo but sex has a way of making Clarke want to scatter. She dreads any opportunities for feelings to arise so Clarke made it a habit to scurry directly after sex—minimal cuddling, we’re talking five minutes, at best. Clarke drops Echo’s wrist.

“Sorry, I er…” Clarke bites her lower lip, “I don’t like interrupting movie-goers.” Echo tilts her head at this.

Laughing now, Echo offers, “Want me to drive you home now?” She seems to understand Clarke’s need to scamper. Was it that obvious? Clarke wouldn’t be surprised if it was—she always wore her feelings on her face.

It’s only a ten minute drive from the theater to Clarke’s house. In the driveway, Clarke gives Echo a wet, goodbye kiss. She really likes the way Echo’s lips feel. Figuring that her mom is peeping through the blinds by this point, Clarke presses away from Echo.

“Drive safe,” She whispers against Echo’s lips one last time.

Nodding, Echo seeks permission, “Text you later?” Clarke nods.

Her suspicion was correct; Clarke caught the sudden drop of a blade on the blinds. Abby Griffin was too predictable sometimes. Sighing, Clarke walks through the front-door.

“You’re back early…” Abby places her hands on her hips.

“It’s better for you if you don’t ask.” Clarke states bluntly. Abby starts muttering something like _“unbelievable,” “just because it’s another girl,”_ and Clarke has completely shut out her mother by this point. She walks toward the fridge to grab a bottle of water. She is feeling parched after her… extracurricular activities.

Speaking of, Clarke checks her phone for any messages from Lexa. Sadly, there is nothing but crude remarks from Raven and Octavia in the group text. Clarke chuckles at few of the innuendos and bantering between the two. Since Clarke was not responding, they decided to narrate the scene based on their own imaginations. Clarke had to give them props for creativity—lots of space craft and mystical monsters making appearances in the perceived sex charades.

Clarke finally graces them with her presence. Raven and Octavia start blowing up her phone with too many personal questions. Texting isn’t Clarke’s forte and she certainly didn’t feel like spilling her hook-up over a text thread. To compromise, they end up making plans for a sleepover the following night. Clarke figures that will be a good time to share all the details… maybe even those including Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting frequency may vary. I'm currently working on the next chapter... fingers crossed, I'll have that to post today. I appreciate your patience!


	9. Who is in Control?

Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, Lexa was struggling to settle her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about that near kiss with Clarke. Even worse, she couldn’t stop wondering how Echo and Clarke’s date went. A tinge of guilt pulled at her heart. She nearly kissed a girl her friend was actively into.

It should be revealing that Lexa cared more about that betrayal than the one against her own girlfriend. Lexa couldn’t explain why she held so much resentment towards her relationship with Costia. Lexa wants to be a loyal person, but the constant arguing was wearing her down. It still doesn’t excuse her infidelity but Lexa never claimed to be a good person.

Clarke; Lexa was ready to taste her on her lips. She was used to getting what she wanted, but this situation may not work out has hoped. There were too many variables against it. Maybe it would be better if they remained friends. After all, Lexa enjoyed simply being near Clarke. She realized this the first day she met her. There is something… quirky about the girl. It isn’t often you find a nerdy girl wrapped up in a tight, sexy package like Clarke Griffin.

Lexa slaps her forehead. No, cannot think that way. Friends; they are to remain friends. Satisfied with her assessment, Lexa reaches for her phone. She sends Clarke a text to see if they could squeeze in a sociology tutoring session. Lexa really did want to help the girl. Their soc teacher was no joke, but Lexa figured out how to crack that code a couple semesters ago. It would be a kind act of service to pay it forward to a new student. Lexa was good at lying to herself when she needed to be.

Lexa starts to think Clarke is asleep but hears a buzzing from her phone.

_Clarke G.: Yea! Tomorrow at 3:13pm?_

Lexa thought that was a random as hell time but it didn’t matter—she had zero plans for her Saturday. Costia’s parents grounded her after their rendezvous. This meant Lexa wasn’t obligated to spend her weekend chauffeuring Costia around town to shop and do whatever else she wanted. Lexa confirmed the time and sat her phone down. Satisfied, she hoped now her mind would settle enough to let her sleep.

The blaring 5am alarm makes Lexa regret ever agreeing to train with Anya and Lincoln. Normally, 5 am is not a difficult time for Lexa. However, it is whenever her brain spends the whole night obsessing over a particular girl.

Lexa strongly considered cancelling on them. But not meeting external obligations is a source of stress for her. She is better off forcing herself through a workout rather than not meeting her friends’ expectations. At the start of the year, all three agreed to consistently workout every day at 5am. They picked that time because it was early enough to squeeze in before school. This way the schedule would never have to change, not for school, summer, or weekends—5 am is the free hour. The hour where they have no other obligations other than the one they set for themselves.

Up until this point, Lexa has never missed a single day. Today was no exception. Grumbling, she haphazardly picks out some running shorts and a long-sleeve shirt. Lexa enjoyed working out in long-sleeved shirts. It helped her keep warm and sweat. In addition, it will help her keep warm since autumn air is creeping through.

“Are you feeling alright?” Lincoln places a comforting hand on Lexa’s back. She is bent over, gasping for air. Normally, she is the front-runner but with the fatigue from last night, she is sucking wind.

Conserving her breath, she gives a thumbs up.

“You better get it together before your mother notices,” Anya warns.

“Take it easy on her,” Lincoln scolds. Being the older one, Lincoln always took it upon himself to look out for Anya and Lexa. Most times he was defending Lexa. This is in part because Anya is most abrasive and Lexa has the demanding mother and absent father. Ouch. It’s been a long time since Lexa thought of that word.

Lexa doesn’t know much about her father. Titus, her father by technicality, was married to and fathered his work. Lexa’s family owns diamond mines. These have been in the family for eleven generations now—hence ‘old money.’ Her father spent most of his time in Haiti where the majority of the sites are located.

When Lexa was younger, he would send for her to stay with him on location. It was fun at first but she quickly learned that even then he would spend all of his time working. He tried to include her in procedures, probably thinking it would be her duty to take his place. Lexa had zero interest in stepping into his shoes.

He reached out a few times after she first declined, but those invitations became fewer and fewer. This hurt Lexa. Even though it was by her own doing, she still wanted him to want her. She resented him for loving work over his family. She resented him for leaving her alone to deal with Indra. Maybe Indra had her own resentments, too?

“Want to work in some BJJ drills?” Anya offers. Lincoln and Lexa agree. Lexa was grateful for the thought interruption, and she hoped the drills didn’t involve too much cardio.

*************************

If it wasn’t clear before: Clarke really loves Saturdays.

She takes it personally whenever something encroaches on this holy day. Today, that encroachment was in the form of a man clinging to her mother—In the kitchen, out in the open, no less. Gross.

Clarke comes to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. She takes in the view of this stranger holding her mother as they giggle over pancake batter. Markus wipes a small amount onto Abby’s nose. Abby gouges his ribs in return. They look like a pair of love-sick teenagers. After all, Clarke would be able to recognize that type of madness.

“Ahem.” She interrupts their twitter pated behavior. 

They both greet her with guilty grins. She keeps her face neutral. Abby cleans her nose with a nearby washrag.

“Clarke, hunnie.” Hunnie? Since when did Abby use endearing pet-names? Abby continues, “this is Markus, Markus Kane.”

He walks over to Clarke to extend his hand, “Hi, I’m happy to finally meet you.”

Clarke looks down at his hand then back to her mother.

He tries again, “I’ve heard great things. You study jiu jitsu?”

Clarke walks past him to grab a piece of bacon. Abby is furious.

“Clarke.” She begins. Markus tries to defuse the situation once more, “It’s fine, Abby.”

“See? It’s fine, Abby.” Clarke mocks as she chomps her bacon.

Abby has never ‘dated’ or let alone brought a dude around Clarke. She isn’t sure how to process this situation. Therefore, her sarcastic nature takes the lead.

She is trying to not laugh. This dude still has a grin plastered to his face. Bless his heart. Clarke decides to take pity on him.

“Nice to meet you, Matthew.” Abby drops her head. Markus keeps smiling.

“Don’t let me interrupt whatever,” Clarke gestures between them, “that is.” She grabs another slice of bacon and heads toward the living room. She overhears Abby apologizing to Markus. Clarke rolls her eyes. When did he even show up? He wasn’t there whenever Echo dropped her off last night. Those are the ingredients of a booty-call. Clarke shivers.

By the time she decides on a manga to watch, Abby and Markus are joining her in the living room.

“Psycho-Pass?” Markus asks, excitedly. Clarke jerks her head towards him.

“You’re familiar?!” Clarke couldn’t disguise her surprise. His animated nods indicates to her that he is a big fan.

“I’m half-way through season two,” He shares. Clarke is impressed—point for Markus. Clarke catches Abby’s smug grin. Clarke hates it.

Deciding to regain her composure, she gives him a simple, “cool.”

Abby leans towards Clarke, “Do you have plans, today?”

“Yea, a couple things…” Clarke is distracted by the show.

“Such as?” Abby presses.

“Study session with Lexa and I invited some people over for a sleepover.” Clarke scoots away from Abby.

Abby steadies Clarke’s movement, “I know that girl from last night is not sleeping over.”

Clarke laughs, “just Raven and Octavia.” Abby nods.

“Where are you studying?”

“Why the 21 questions?” Clarke bites back. Abby’s face goes stern.

“I’m your mother.”

Clarke scoffs, “Since when?”

“Clarke!” They both stand.

“You’ve been a shell since dad…” Clarke doesn’t finish it.

“Since your father what, Clarke?!” Abby matches Clarke’s tone.

Clarke blinks back hot tears.

“Since he died or since we found out…” Abby’s voice hitches. She brings her hands to her chest. Markus rises to soothe her shoulders. Clarke runs to her bedroom, slamming the door.

Crying, she curls into a ball under her comforter. She shouldn’t have pushed her mother that way. Why did she actively hurt her? Jake’s death and his actions weren’t Abby’s fault. Clarke knows that, but she is angry and Jake isn’t here.

A knock at the door startles Clarke. It’s her mom coming to make amends.

Rubbing Clarke’s back, Abby whispers, “I’m sorry.” Clarke pulls the blankets from her head and looks at her mom through tears. She sees that Abby is crying, too.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Abby nods. This isn’t the first argument inspired by Jake’s absence. Each one ends the same way: they apologize but never go into further detail—neither one willing to process those packed away feelings.

Clarke offers a change of subject.

“Lexa is coming over at 3:13PM for Sociology tutoring,” Clarke continues, “Raven and Octavia are coming over around 5pm.”

Abby nods again, then raises an eyebrow, “did you think to invite Lexa to the sleepover?” Clarke carefully makes eye-contact with her mother. Truthfully, Clarke never considered it. Did Abby suspect something between Lexa and Clarke? Clarke never gave her a reason to question anything but mothers have a sixth-sense about that type of shit.

Abby doesn’t wait for a reply, “She has been helping you a lot, lately. It may be nice to invite her.” _It may be nice to lay naked with her, _Clarke’s thoughts finish. She stifles the smirk threatening to appear. Abby never cared about Clarke’s sexuality. The rule was true for all genders: no sleepovers with anyone Clarke wants to screw.

She gingerly nods her head, “Yea, good point. I’ll ask.” What Abby doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

*****************************  


Pulling into the Griffin drive-way, Lexa is nervous. Her hands are sweaty against the leather steering wheel. She wipes them off on her jeans. She decides to let Post Malone’s _A Thousand Bad Times_ to finish before walking up to the front-door.

She checks her watch, 3:10. Perfect, she can afford to wait another three minutes.

She scrolls through Instagram to occupy her mind. Recently, Clarke and Lexa added one another. She took this opportunity to stalk through Clarke’s photos—a few cute selfies peppered throughout many posts of sketches. Lexa took her time looking at the selfies. She noticed that was a gap, nearly a year, where Clarke didn’t post a selfie. She wondered what that was about.

The song’s end alerts her that she needs to walk in now. Why is she so nervous? Lexa’s has had hundreds of crushes but none have left her quite this disheveled. She doesn’t feel like herself.

Walking on the stone-pathway, Lexa takes in the house. It’s a decent two-story—Clarke’s parents must do well. Granted, it’s not the mansion she lives in but Lexa is familiar with average home sizes in Virginia. The Griffin’s do fairly well.

She likes how the house resembles a lake-house despite the absence of a lake. There is irony it and this amuses Lexa.

Lexa rings the doorbell. Abby answers.

“You must be Lexa,” she greets.

“Yes, ma’am,” Lexa extends her hand, “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Griffin.” She catches Abby’s breath hitch at the word ‘mrs.’

Before she can correct this, Abby exclaims, “Oh! Call me Abby.”

Inside, Abby instructs Lexa to sit at the kitchen island. She watches Abby walk towards, presumably, Clarke’s room. Lexa takes this moment to admire the older woman. She notes that Clarke and her mom share similar curvature, but that is the extent of their similarities. Clarke must resemble her dad.

“Hi!” Clarke appears.

“Hey,” Lexa manages. It was hard to focus. Clarke must have recently finished a workout. She is wearing a crop top with leggings.

“Sorry, I’m sweaty.” Clarke grins and winks at Lexa.

“Are you?” Lexa presses. Clarke’s eyes widen.

Lexa continues, “We had a scheduled time, 3:13 specifically.” If Clarke was embarrassed it would be difficult to tell since her features were already flushed by the workout.

Leaning forward on her elbows, she brings her face closer to Clarke’s. She continues to tease, “Because… it seems like you wanted me to see you like this.” Lexa looks Clarke over and bites her lower lip for emphasis.

Clarke arcs her eyebrow and sets her jaw. Lexa knows she is trying to compose herself. Lexa leans back and grabs the textbook and slams it on the counter, “Time to study!”

Clarke giggles and grabs a couple ginger ales from the fridge. Good timing because the site of sweat on Clarke’s lower back makes Lexa’s mouth go dry.

The first hour was productive but after that, their collective attention was waning. They became more interested in learning more about the other.

Lexa learns that Clarke’s mom is a surgeon. That explains the scrubs she saw Abby wearing. She learns that Clarke works out every morning, too. Lexa admires the dedication. She could tell that Clarke was an active person. She noticed on more than one jiu jitsu rolls that Clarke has muscles and a tight core.

“What about your dad?” Lexa asks before crunching on a baby carrot—an earlier snack that Abby provided.

Clarke lowers her hands to her lap, “He died.”

Lexa swallows the last of the carrot, “I’m sorr— ”

“It was three years ago,” Clarke interrupts. Lexa remains silent.

Clarke continues, “He is the one that got me into jiu jitsu. I was around seven when he started bringing me to his gym. I instantly fell in love with it.”

Lexa smiles and listens to Clarke. She notices how Clarke’s face brightens as she recounts these memories.

“…and when I got my blue belt he was crying actual tears!” Clarke laughs. “Can you believe that?!”

Lexa leans in closer to Clarke, she liked hearing about this dad. She was a little envious that her own father never showed this kind of passion, “No, that is hard to imagine!”

Clarke looks down, “he was my hero.”

“Was?” Lexa asks. Clarke looks up at Lexa, clenching her jaw.

“He let me down.” She simply states. Lexa decided it was best not to pry. She continues holding Clarke’s gaze. In the briefest of moments, Clarke looks down to Lexa’s lips. They slowly lean in closer to one another.

“Should we order pizza before the girls arrive?” Abby startles both Lexa and Clarke.

“and that is heuristic review.” Lexa tries to cover. Abby seems to be oblivious. _That was close._

“Um, yea mom that is a good plan.” Clarke coughs. Lexa looks to Clarke and mouths ‘other girls?’ Clarke scrunches her nose.

“God, I completely forgot to ask…” Clarke nervously pops her fingers, “do you want to stay for a sleepover? Raven and Octavia are coming over in like, ten mins.”

Lexa processes this. _A sleepover at Clarke’s? Where would she sleep? Would it even be appropriate? Yea, there will be other people there but still…_

“I didn’t know sleepovers existed past sophomore year,” Lexa teases. Clarke throws a carrot at her. Lexa takes it and pops it into her mouth with a big crunch.

What could it hurt?

“Sure, I’ll stay but…” Lexa indicates to her clothes, “I’ll need to borrow some clothes.” She catches Clarke’s focus lingering on her midsection. She steps closer to draw Clarke’s eyes to her own.

“Is that alright?” She prompts Clarke. Clarke nods and hoarsely responds with, “Absolutely.”


	10. I Know You Wanna Go to Heaven

“Okay, okay…” Raven tries to smother her fits of laughter, “this haircut though!”

Octavia and Lexa are laughing just as hard.

Raven is holding up a Polaroid photo of nine year old Clarke. It wasn’t a flattering photo. Sure, Clarke was a cute kid. However, bowl cuts are not flattering on anyone. What were Jake and Abby thinking then?

“We should turn it into the yearbook staff!” Octavia screams.

“Guys!” Clarke whines.

She is tries to pin Raven down against the couch cushions. Raven extends the photo over her own head. Despite her own grappling skills, Clarke is having a hard time controlling Raven.

Raven manages to pass the photo off to Lexa, who has come around the back of the couch. Clarke pounces to her feet to ensue chasing Lexa.

Clarke has Lexa cornered, with an upholstered arm chair between them.

Clarke stares daggers into Lexa’s eyes. Lexa smiles that lopsided grin—she thinks she can outwit Clarke.

Lexa makes a dive towards the kitchen but anticipating this logical move, Clarke is able to intercept her. They collide, a tangle of arms and legs, and fall onto the adjacent love seat.

Clarke straddles a giggling Lexa as she tries to pry the photo away from her.

Finally, she manages to snatch the photo. To regain composure, Clarke pushes her matted hair from her face. It takes a few heartbeats to realize that she is still straddling Lexa. She looks down at a smug Lexa below her. _What does she have up her sleeve?_

Suddenly, with something resembling a closed-guard sweep, Lexa tilts her hips to dump Clarke into the floor. Now, Lexa is on top of Clarke smiling like a hyena.

“You shouldn’t let your guard down,” Lexa gently pokes Clarke’s nose and snatches the photo once more. Clarke takes this moment to reach up and grab Lexa’s collar. Then, she locks onto Lexa’s wrist. With a knee drawn in and swift sweeping motion, Clarke scissor sweeps Lexa.

This took Lexa by surprise. Clearly, Clarke isn’t the only one letting her guard down.

“Could you two conclude the dry humping?” Raven gripes.

“Yep,” Clarke snatches the photo from Lexa and rejoins Octavia and Raven on the sofa.

“Okay ladies, what are we doing now?” says Octavia as she gently slides a bottle of Gatorade across the table. Raven curls her lips into a devilish grin.

This particular bottle of Gatorade was filled with some cheap vodka Octavia lifted from her parent’s cabinet.

“Truth or dare” Raven starts grabbing solo cups.

“So cliché,” Lexa rolls her eyes and flicks her wrist.

Octavia shoves a cup into Lexa’s hand as she says, “it’s not a sleepover without truth or dare.”

“Who goes first?” Clarke looks around.

“Me!” Raven slaps her chest.

Of course she would want to go first. Raven loves to be center of attention: good or bad.

“Truth or dare, Raven”

“Truth” This was a surprise, Clarke figured Raven as more of ‘dare’ girl.

“Are you and Anya dating” Octavia clearly had that one in the chamber.

Raven glares at all of them. Clarke notices Lexa leering as she takes a long swig of the vodka concoction.

“No, boring question” Raven deadpans.

“Is that a no you’re not dating…?” Octavia presses.

Clarke grits her teeth, reveling in the tension between Raven and Octavia.

Raven answers by chugging her drink and pouring another round, “next!” Octavia volunteers to go next. Brave girl since Raven will most likely seek reprisal.

Occasionally, Clarke catches Lexa glances at her. It makes her stomach warm and shivers travel up her spine. She enjoys being under Lexa’s gaze.

After a couple rounds of silly questions and dares, the girls all found themselves too inebriated to continue. They settle for a cuddle session on the couch with Moulin Rouge playing on the tv.

Raven and Octavia were quick to grab a blanket and cuddle up together on the couch. They have been friends since grade school and it shows.

That leaves an awkward Lexa standing with a blanket, deciding which seat to take.

Clarke takes her hand and guides her over to the unoccupied space of the sofa. They both plop down and Clarke covers them with a heavy blanket. It’s one of Clarke’s favorites. The texture is jersey knit and it is hefty but doesn’t burn you up.

Feeling tipsy, she snuggles deeper into the sofa and Lexa’s side. Lexa sits next to her, back straight and unmoving.

“Relax,” Clarke whispers as she gently pokes Lexa’s ribs. Lexa exhales. _How long has she been holding that one in?_

Lexa squirms a bit before settling on a comfortable position. She ends with slight slouch and arm draped over the back of the sofa—behind Clarke, no less.

Clarke notices Lexa humming along with the songs. She can imagine that Lexa has a lovely singing voice.

“I’m surprised you know this film?” Clarke murmurs into Lexa’s ear. Her gaze follows a trail of goosebumps traveling up Lexa’s neck—sandalwood fills her nostrils. _God, why does she smell so good?_

Not removing her focus from the screen, Lexa simply shrugs.

“It’s a stupid film.” Lexa breaks the silence. Clarke tries to stop her laugh.

“Says the person who knows every lyric!”

Clarke and Lexa receive a “SHH” and pissed off looks from Raven and Octavia.

Clarke catches a small grin on Lexa’s faces. Those dimples—she just wants to kiss them.

This endearing moment gets interrupted by a buzzing phone. It’s Lexa’s phone.

Clarke sees Costia’s name flash across the screen. Lexa catches Clarke’s frown at this and quickly puts her phone into her pocket.

“Shouldn’t you respond to that,” Clarke mutters. Lexa exhales, “Probably, but I don’t want to.”

Clarke looks at her.

Slowly, Clarke feels Lexa’s hand gently trailing her thighs. The wondering hand finds Clarke’s and they intertwine their fingers. Clarke’s heartbeat is thudding against her chest. _Are they seriously holding hands right now? _

Under the safety of the blanket, Clarke starts to rub her thumb against Lexa’s. It’s a small gesture but in this moment, every particle in the air feels charged. Lexa swallows and keeps her focus on the tv. Clarke wants her to look at her… but they both know what would happen next.

*******************************

Lexa doesn’t want to but her clammy hands demand separation from Clarke’s. _Clarke is going to think Lexa is gross—she_ worries. She pulls her hand free from Clarke’s, then notices the other girl’s brows pull together.

She tries to discreetly dry her hands on her jeans—back and forth, back and forth.

“Are you touching yourself,” Clarke giggles.

“What?” Lexa says a little louder than intended. Raven and Octavia shoot her hateful looks. She then whispers, “of course not.”

She pulls the blanket back enough to demonstrate for Clarke her drying motions. Clarke raises an eyebrow. _Should have gone with the masturbation story, _Lexa notes.

“Do you think I’m gross?” Clarke looks up at Lexa with trembling eyes. Lexa wondered why Clarke would immediately assume that.

“No,” Lexa takes Clarke’s hand again, “my hands get clammy.”

“Ew,” Clarke jerks her hand away. Ouch. Lexa’s ego took a hit. But then, Clarke took her hand again, “I’m teasing.” She gently bumps Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa relaxes.

They sit this way for the remainder of the film. It would have been romantic if it were not for Raven and Octavia’s unruly snores. 

Clarke tries to wake them. They swat her away, indicating they are going to sleep on the couch. Clarke decides to take a picture of them. Octavia has dried slobber trailing down her chin and cheeks, while Raven’s hair looks like a rat’s nest.

Lexa is amused. She knows Clarke is going to use that for blackmailing purposes, later.

Clarke gestures for Lexa to follow. They head up the stairs. Clarke opens a door into a room full of sketch art. Used and empty canvases are piled into a corner. Some pieces decorate the walls. Based on the signature, Lexa can tell these are Clarke originals.

“Wow,” Lexa continues to gawk at the artwork, “these are awesome.” Clarke blushes and rubs her arm.

“You’re very talented.”

“Thanks,” Clarke grins.

Lexa traces the sketches etched into Clarke’s desk.

“Here” Clarke hands folded clothes to Lexa. This must be her pjs for the night.

Lexa takes them for Clarke and walks into the adjoining bathroom to change. _My Little Pony_? Lexa wonders to herself as she holds up the ragged shirt. This thing is essentially a crop top. _Is Clarke serious?_

Lexa decides not to let Clarke get the best of her. She fully intends on rocking this baby shirt. She’ll make Clarke squirm.

Clarke does a pathetic job of covering her amusement. Lexa raises her nose in the air and saunters past Clarke to hop into the bed. She sprawls out, covering as much surface as she can.

“Where will you sleep,” she teases.

Clarke shakes her head, “I guess on the floor.”

“Perfect” Lexa’s grin stretches her mouth.

Lexa scoots over, and pats the bed. Clarke takes the cue and settles into the empty spot. Lexa tries to keep her eyes off of Clarke. It was difficult. Lexa enjoyed seeing Clarke in those boy shorts and white tee. 

They both avoid eye-contact as they scramble underneath the covers. Clarke’s bed is cozy. Lexa notes the amount of pillows and blankets—it’s a nest of fluffiness. 

Lying side by side, Lexa fixates on the ceiling. There are sketches scattered across it. Lexa notices all the various houses and scenery. She wonders if Clarke moved around a lot. Either that or she has a thing for drawing houses. With the limited lighting provided by the full moon, it was hard to get too much detail on the pieces.

Clarke sighs. This redirects Lexa’s attention to the girl next to her.

“Everything alright?” Lexa asks as she turns her head to face Clarke.

She does her best to steady her own breathing. Lying in this bed has frequented Lexa’s fantasies. Maybe not this particular bed, but a bed with Clarke nonetheless. _Keep it classy, Lexa. _

Clarke doesn’t reply as she inches closer to Lexa.

Lexa wants desperately to kiss Clarke. Clarke deserves better than that. Hell, even Costia deserves better than that. Surely, Lexa is mature enough to handle her own emotions. If nothing else, Indra gave Lexa the gift of suppression.

She scoots closer to Clarke.

What does Lexa even want from this? A kiss would change everything. Would they remain friends? Would Lexa end up leaving Costia? Would Clarke want that?

Clarke reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear. The touch sends sensations through to her toes. _This is a bad idea._

Nervous, Lexa mumbles a quick “good night” and turns her back to Clarke. _Smooth. _

She feels Clarke shift. Clarke is scooting away from Lexa. Suddenly, it feels cold.

“Clarke” Lexa says into the dark.

“hmm” Is all that Clarke manages to hum before Lexa is crashing their lips together. Clarke pulls Lexa on top of her. Their kisses are frantic, devouring each other’s taste. Lexa feels as if she has this thirst to quench. A moan escapes her lips as Clarke trails kisses down her neck. She presses Clarke’s left hand overhead, near the headboard, and rises up on her arms momentarily as Clarke arches her back to maintain connection. With her free hand, Lexa traces Clarke’s jawline as she turns her face into the touch. Lexa takes her time. She doesn’t want to rush through this moment.

She gently lowers her lips to capture Clarke’s. Their kiss is slow. Clarke frees her hand to wrap both arms around Lexa’s waste. Lexa’s senses are overwhelmed with hints of vanilla and lavender. Clarke leans her head back to give access to her neck. Lexa's kisses are deliberate as she gently presses her tongue against the nape of Clarke’s neck. She is rewarded with a moan. Clarke presses her thigh between Lexa’s legs. The pressure sends a vibration coursing through her veins. She whispers Clarke’s name.

Clarke nods and tugs at Lexa’s shirt. Lexa sits up to allow Clarke to pull it off. She tosses the shirt into the floor then returns to Clarke’s lips. Goosebumps form on Lexa’s skin at Clarke’s touches. Lexa wants to see Clarke. She traces her fingertips along the bottom hem of Clarke’s shirt. Clarke arches her back to allow Lexa to slip the shirt overhead. Lexa notices how smooth and soft the other girl feels.

The moonlight cascades soft glows across their features—intertwining legs and heartbeats pounding.

“Lexa,” Clarke breaks their kisses.

Furrowing her brows, Lexa checks for any sign that she crossed a line. She searches blue eyes for clues. Clarke smiles at her.

“Are you ok?” Lexa exhales. Clarke nods.

“Do you, um…” Clarke breaks eye contact, “want to stop?”

Lexa’s chest is heaving. She didn’t have plans of stopping but would if that is what Clarke wanted.

“Do you?” Lexa leans to roll off of Clarke. Clarke tightens her hold around Lexa’s waist.

“No” She quickly answers, “I just thought it would be polite to ask.”

Lexa giggles and returns to kissing this gorgeous girl in her arms.


	11. Behind a Wooden Door

Clarke was not looking forward to classes on Monday. These next five days were intended to prepare everyone for the following week: midterms. On top of that, she wasn’t sure where things stood with Lexa.

“Are you taking breakfast?” Abby catches Clarke before she exits.

Looking over at the spread, Clarke decides to grab an ‘everything’ bagel. Her onion breath will be someone else’s problem.

She mutters a “thanks” through a big bite of the bagel.

“You’re cheerful.” Abby dabs at the crumbs on Clarke’s mouth.

“Mhmm,” is all she gives her mom as she swats her away. Abby’s lips purse.

“Want a ride?”

“Nope”

“Want me to pick you up?”

“Bigger nope,” Clarke pops the ‘p.’ Abby’s hands rest on her hips. Clarke knows this is a warning.

“Sorry, I have practice on Mondays. I’m just going to hang in the library until then.”

Abby relaxes. _At least someone can relax_. Clarke’s body is boiling with tension.

Clarke hears a vehicle pull into their driveway.

“That must be Rae and Octavia.” Clarke throws up a peace sign at her mom before dashing out the door.

Sure enough, in a beat-up old Chevrolet, are her two best friends. It’s neat to analyze how close she has become with these two… especially in such a short amount of time. It’s like they have been friends for lifetimes.

“Raven, why do you have so many vehicles?” Clarke finally asks. Raven ignores her question.

“Did you hook up with Lexa?”

Clarke freezes. Shit.

“That’s a yes!” Octavia screams and adds, “Is Lexa a top or bottom?!”

Clarke scoffs.

“Come on,” Raven whines, “we have to know.”

Clarke knows she shouldn’t reward this behavior, but fuck it.

“Switch,” she smirks.

“God damn it!” Raven slaps the steering wheel.

“SCORE,” Octiavia beams, “Rae, you owe me twenty bucks, bitch.”

Raven throws a crinkled bill into the backseat. Octavia greedily slips it into her front, jean pocket.

Grinning, Clarke holds her hand out to Octavia.

“I think I earned that.” She adds emphasis on the ‘I.’

“50/50?” Octavia compromises. Clarke agrees to the terms. She was shocked that it worked.

“Wait… does this mean you’re a sex worker?”

“Shut up, Raven!” Shout Clarke and Octavia.

A buzzing on her phone redirects Clarke’s attention.

_Echo: sit with me at lunch today?_

Echo. Clarke’s shoulders slump. She has gotten herself into a pretty, little web right before midterms. This will not affect her grades, at all! Not at all. 

*****************************

“What’s with the sad face?” Lexa asks a mopey Echo as she sits down in the desk next to her.

Echo looks up from her phone, “I think Clarke is ghosting me.”

Clarke. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. _Lexa really didn’t want to open with that guilt this morning.

“Maybe she is busy?” Lexa offers the shit excuse. Awkwardly, she pats Echo’s shoulder.

“What are you…” Echo’s eyes broaden. Lexa swallows, but before Echo can continue, their teacher steps into class and all communication ceases. They will have to pick this up after class…maybe not if Lexa has any say in the matter.

It was hard for Lexa to focus on the material. Shakespeare is hard enough to focus on without receiving side-eye from a close friend. Echo was notably pissed. Lexa couldn’t understand how the girl saw through her so easily. Was Lexa that oblivious? Was there a hickey on her neck with Clarke’s name on it? _Shit._ Lexa brings her hand to her neck. Was there a hickey? Her mind wonders to Friday night when she was underneath Clarke. Lexa can still feel Clarke’s luscious lips and hot breath trailing her neck.

“Ms. Woods?”

Lexa’s head jerks up. She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice the teacher calling on her to read a passage from Macbeth. Her cheeks flood with crimson. She would have to expose that she wasn’t paying attention. Suddenly, she hears: _“Two truths are told, as happy prologues to the swelling act of the imperial theme."_ Echo came to her rescue.

Class continues uneventfully. Lexa tries multiple times to catch Echo’s attention but she is unsuccessful. That changes whenever class ends. As Lexa exits the room, Echo quickly saddles up next to her.

“Start talking.”

Lexa grimaces, “I slept with Clarke.” Echo nods.

“Was it a one-time thing?”

“I don’t know.” Lexa hasn’t thought too much about it. She likes Clarke and that night was nothing short of incredible. However, the thought of there being something more hasn’t crossed her mind.

Echo and Lexa walk to their lockers silently. Before they part for their next class, Echo turns to face Lexa. She steps in close so that no one else can hear, “I’m not backing off.” Lexa grins and meets Echo’s eyes. She can see embers ablaze in the girl’s eyes. This excites her. She squares her shoulders and extends a hand, “good luck.”

Echo bares her teeth and firmly grips Lexa’s hand, “Keep it, you’ll need it more.”

*************************

The school day is finally over and now Clarke just needs to find a place to hide. She has an hour and a half to kill before practice. With midterms being around the corner, she knows studying is the best use of her time. Excitedly, she remembers the hidden nooks in the library.

Clarke heaves her backpack onto her shoulders. She knew would have to hurry to beat anyone else with a similar plan as her own.

Campus was beautiful. She enjoyed how seasons changed here. Autumn was shaping up to be her favorite. The path to the library was overflowing with maples and oaks releasing their leaves for the season. Yellows and oranges lit her route. If it weren’t for the cheerleading and band practices being held outside, Clarke would have opted for studying underneath the hues. However, she needed zero distractions.

Once inside the library, it takes a couple attempts before she can find a nook. She finds her safe haven tucked away near the ancient Greek section. She curls up onto the bench and pulls out her first book—sociology.

She groans.

“Is it that bad?”

Startled, Clarke looks up to see Lexa leaning against the door frame. She tries to settle the sudden rush of nerves coursing through her body.

“I got here first.” Clarke firmly states.

“I see that,” Lexa tilts her head to the side, biting her lip.

Oh no. Clarke doesn’t need that distraction right now. She ignores Lexa and goes back to burying herself in her studies.

“You see, I have a problem though,” Lexa continues despite Clarke’s lack of attention.

“I’m sure if you look around long enough, you’ll find someone who cares.” Clarke manages without looking up.

“This is my spot, though.”

This breaks Clarke. _The nerve of this girl! _

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She stands up. Lexa smirks and pulls on Clarke’s shirt to bring them closer. Earthy scents invade Clarke’s senses. She shakes her head. _Not thinking about that right now. Not kissing her right now. _Lexa leans in towards Clarke.

Clarke gently pushes away from Lexa before the girl captures her lips.

“I’m studying.”

“Can I join you?”

“No”

“Why not?” Lexa steps closer to Clarke.

“Because you’ll distract me,” Clarke reclaims her bench.

“I’ll behave,” Lexa crisscrosses her heart. Clarke scoffs.

“Sharing is caring, Clarkey.”

“Ew.” Lexa and Clarke both contort their faces.

“Yea, that was weird,” Lexa admits.

“You’re stubborn,” Clarke sighs. Lexa knows this is victory. She squeals and settles onto the bench next to Clarke. Lexa manages to not distract Clarke for close to forty-five minutes. This must be her limit because soon after, she is trying to get Clarke’s attention.

Lexa reaches out to twirl Clarke’s hair. It feels relaxing so she lets it continue. Then she feels Lexa shift closer to her and slowly push her hair behind her shoulder. With her neck now exposed, Lexa leans in to gently kiss the veins tracing Clarke’s neck. Lost in the sensation, Clarke leans her head back encouraging Lexa to continue exploring.

A moan escapes Clarke. This snaps her back to reality. She has to study. She has to perform perfectly. She has zero room for failure—not if she wants her dreams to be reality. Lexa is not worth the risk.

With that, Clarke mutters a, “see you in practice” and abruptly exits the nook. She knows Lexa must be confused but that isn’t her concern. However, Clarke does spare time to look back at Lexa. This may have been a mistake. Instead of finding a confused Lexa, she finds a smug asshole taking up the entire bench with her own homework. _She did that on purpose! _

Clarke knows how to get even. And get even she will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay! I will try to update more frequently.


	12. Just Like You

The air escapes her lungs; all she can hear is her labored breathing. Clarke gasps and tries to steady herself. The best she can manage is lying still against the mats, arms outstretched. Murphy stands over her, extending a hand. Finally, she takes it and allows him to help her to stand.

Chuckling, Murphy tries to comfort Clarke, “there is a reason they call me bear.”

She side-eyes him. Take downs were her wheel-house but he pulled out a fireman carry that she was not anticipating. She tried to correct and therefore smacked too hard against the mats. While she gasped for breath, Murphy submitted her with an arm-bar straightway.

“Bear is so specific,” she rasps. She doesn’t tell him that she, too, was once called bear.

For a moment, she sees something flash across his features. He almost looks sad but quickly covers it was a grin—a single-dimpled grin. She noticed this about him early on. It intrigued her because she only knew of one other person with that peculiarity.

“Childhood nickname,” he interrupts her thoughts. “Let’s work through counters for a fireman carry. I think you need it, princess.”

“Fuck. You too?!” Clarke turns to give Raven a dirty look. Ignoring her, Murphy sets up the takedown, talking her through counters.

“I know the counter,” she huffs, “my reaction timing is off.”

“You’re distracted.”

Nodding, Clarke relaxes. There was something in his voice that calmed her. It reminded Clarke of when her dad would encourage her through difficult practices, _“breathe through it. You’re not trapped. Patience, just keep your frame.”_ He made her feel like any problem was solvable. He didn’t have to use many words; it was the inflection in his voice… like he believed every word.

“Thanks,” she finally says to Murphy. He nods.

They’re interrupted by cheering. Clarke turns to see a victorious Lexa looking down at a defeated Anya. This irritates Clarke. She is still bitter about the library thing. She takes this inspiration to fuel her confidence in challenging Lexa to a spar.

It was clear the prospect thrilled Lexa. She was beaming down at an intense Clarke.

Clarke immediately took her stance opposite to Lexa.

With the fireman carry fresh on her mind, Clarke surprises Lexa with a speedy takedown. The surprise was short-lived. Lexa was quick to recover and countered the arm-bar attempt. Clarke manages to escape the attempted omoplata, but not without a recovery from Lexa. Lexa is now in side-control.

Clarke starts to panic now. She feels herself holding her breath. _Breathe _She hears Jake speak. _Your _frame she remembers. She takes a moment to breathe.

Seeing an opening, Clarke slips her knee through to regain guard—frame intact. From there, she starts to work arm-bars. She is looking for a triangle. After exhausting Lexa with having to defend arm-bar attempts, Clarke manages to swing her leg over the back of Lexa’s neck. Now, all she has to do is lock her legs. Locked. She pulls down on Lexa’s head… _she should have already tapped_ Clarke thinks to herself. What is she missing? The arm. The arm isn’t tucked. After a quick readjustment, Clarke manages to sink the triangle. Lexa taps within seconds.

To say Clarke is elated would be a gross understatement.

Everyone is silent. Clearly, they didn’t expect her to win. Good, she liked being underestimated. Then she hears a clap. It’s Murphy, grinning like the devil. Raven and Octavia start hooting and hollering.

“That’s muh bitch!” Raven brags.

Even Anya arches her eyebrow in surprise. She almost looks impressed.

Lost in everyone’s reactions, Clarke misses the moment Lexa leaves the gym. The slamming of a door caught her attention. Realizing it was Lexa, Clarke gets up to follow.

“Lexa!” She catches her before Lexa can get into her car. Lexa gives her quick glance but turns away.

“Lexa, stop. What are you doing?” Clarke tries to rest a hand on Lexa’s. Lexa jerks her hand away. This fills Clarke’s stomach with pins.

“Leave me alone, Clarke.” The ‘K’ hits like a snare. Lexa throws her duffle bag into the trunk.

At first, Clarke’s giggles are silent, slowly coursing through her belly. They start to grow and now she is laughing. She bends over in a fit of hysteria.

Lexa’s pupils dilate.

Regaining composure, Clarke snorts, “You’re a child.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re throwing a tantrum because I beat you!” Clarke makes a bottle-sucking gesture.

“You didn’t. I beat myself.”

Clarke cannot tell if Lexa is being serious. The girl before her is devoid of any emotion. This isn’t the Lexa Clarke has come to know.

Lexa continues, “Because I was weak, you won.”

“Wait a second,” Clarke tilts her head, “are you implying I’m not good enough?”

Lexa licks her lips—her heartbeat noticeably faster. _Is this her fury? _Clarke wonders.

“We all have limits, Clarke.”

That goddamn ‘k’ again. Clarke feels like she has been stabbed with it.

“Fuck you, Lexa.”

“You already have.”

Lexa shuts her car-door in Clarke’s face. The sound forces Clarke to step back. She watches Lexa drive away. She doesn’t understand the hostility. Hours ago Lexa was trying to kiss her. Now, Lexa couldn’t even look at her… all of this over a single loss?

Clarke shakes her head. She can’t put more energy into this, especially for a girl that isn’t her own.

“Clarke!”

She turns to see Murphy walking towards her, pride plastered across his face. It’s a good look on him. She waves to acknowledge him.

“Great job in there,” he gestures his thumb toward the gym. She shrugs.

“Don’t let sourpuss ruin your win,” He nudges her shoulders, “you earned it.”

She rolls her eyes, “don’t go soft on me now, Murph.”

“Oh, I’m not.” He flexes his biceps, “I’m going to continue kicking your ass.”

“Perfect.”

********************************

Dinner was more asphyxiating than usual. Lexa’s father decided to make his annual appearance this particular week.

Sitting at a table with her mom was hard enough, add Titus to that and you have full misery.

“How was your practice?” He asks after politely dabbing his mouth with a napkin.

God. Of all the things to ask, he had to ask this on a night she lost. This man was a stranger to Lexa. It angered her to want his approval. Just like Indra, Titus never allowed room for failure. No matter the loss, a loss is a loss. And to lose to a lower belt, no less?! Unacceptable.

“It was informative.” She wanted to lie but it isn’t in her nature—so she opted for general facts.

He nods approvingly. “Every moment should be an opportunity to learn.”

Indra can see through Lexa’s façade.

“Any losses?” She forces Lexa to maintain eye-contact.

“Yes, one.”

Titus slams his fork down. Lexa remains still, not wanting to let him see this affected her. “_Never let your enemy see your weakness. We have a reputation to uphold.”_ she often heard him say to her.

He looked calm… if you disregarded the flaring of his nostrils.

Congratulations, Lexa. Night one and you’ve already proven yourself unworthy to him.

“What did you lose to?” He asks slowly.

“Triangle.”

He nods, tenses his jaw, and indicates to the wall, “one hour.”

Lexa doesn’t have to ask what this means. This was a popular punishment she received throughout her adolescence. He wanted her to hold a wall-squat for an hour, and he was the type to wait it out with her—berating her anytime her legs went above or below a ninety degree angle.

She pushes away from the table and obeys his command. This really wasn’t a punishment any longer. Workouts with Anya and Lincoln have perpetuated Lexa’s incredible stamina and endurance. Of course, Titus wouldn’t know anything about that. And Lexa wasn’t going to share that.

After the hour, Lexa politely wishes her parents a goodnight before excusing herself.

That hour gave her time to reflect on her behavior towards Clarke. She knew she should apologize… Maybe even offer an explanation. Clarke didn’t deserve the attitude and Lexa was feeling the shame.

Shame was not something Lexa took lightly. To her, it was like cancer and she refused to succumb to it. This was largely the proponent behind Lexa owning any wrong-doing or behavior.

She decided that her apology would need to happen sooner than later. Additionally, it needed to happen in person. The real concern was whether or not Clarke would allow that. Through their interactions, Lexa doubted Clarke would make this apology easy. Lexa knew Clarke would see through any bullshit—she had to be vulnerable.


	13. Heaven Hides

_Symbols, language, values…. Lexa._

Clarke shakes her head. Lexa is not one of the five elements of culture. She returns to studying her notecards.

_Potential patterns of behavior relative to social norms… Lexa is a sore loser. _

Clarke huffs.

“Seriously, cannot I get through studying without thinking about her?” Clarke mutters to herself. She rises to a cross-legged position in the middle of her bed—notes and books surround her.

She has to nail this material. She is unwilling to settle for anything less than an A. If she doesn’t score exceptionally well on this midterm, she can probably kiss those chances goodbye. _Would she kiss Lexa again?_

Clarke bites down on her number two pencil. She wondered if tutoring from Lexa was out of the question, too. Their few sessions proved to be beneficial. Now, Clarke can’t imagine being able to exist in a room with the girl. Shame.

A peck at the window draws Clarke’s attention. She looks to the window—nothing in sight. She returns to studying Ideal vs. Real culture. Another peck at the window—_what the hell?_

Clarke eases off of her bed, tiptoeing to her window. A pebble bouncing off the glass startles her. Peering through it, she sees someone moving around below. A scream starts to build in her throat.

_It’s a goddamn serial killer. _Clarke is now regretting all the true-crime podcasts she binges. _Why would they alert her via pebbles, though? _She realizes that it wouldn’t be a smart plan on behalf of the assailant—_unless she is dealing with an idiot. _She pinches the bridge of her nose.

Suddenly, she glimpses a familiar wavy, brunette mane. It’s Lexa. What the hell is Lexa doing here? Clarke raises the window.

“What the hell, Lexa?” She tries with a whisper scream; if that sort of thing exists.

Lexa does her version of the same thing, “can I come inside?” Clarke couldn’t help but giggle at the ‘that’s what he said’ joke. Does she want to let Lexa in? Part of her did, but a greater part wasn’t willing to.

“Please?” Lexa tries again.

“Are those flowers?”

Clarke eyeballs the bouquet shaped item in Lexa’s right hand. She really hopes Lexa isn’t that cliché. Gag.

Lexa raises the flowers so that Clarke can get a better view.

“Really?” Clarke says through gritted teeth. Lexa shrugs and keeps grinning.

“Fine.” Clarke decides she will let Lexa in, but the girl would have to scale the house. Clarke was not about to risk waking her mother for this. She removes the screen from the window and indicates to Lexa to start climbing. Lexa immediately starts climbing. Clarke figured she would receive more pushback on this. Lexa seemed ready and even excited to do it.

Once Lexa reaches the window, Clarke makes her drop the flowers back to the ground. She knows this is petty. She also knows she needs to ignore those alluring scents of sandalwood radiating from Lexa.

“Not the flower-receiving kind of gal?” Lexa tries to joke once inside the room. Clarke arches an eyebrow.

She notices how uncomfortable Lexa appears. Normally, Lexa stands tall, squared, and confident. This Lexa before her is shifting weight between feet and nervously combing fingers through her hair.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa spits out. The words came out so quickly, Clarke was unsure she heard the right thing.

“What was that?”

Lexa rolls her eyes.

_Not a good move on your part_ Clarke silently warns. She continues staring daggers through Lexa.

“I. Am. Sorry.” Lexa pauses to enunciate every word. Clarke grins.

Since Lexa looks like she is going to pass out from nervous exhaustion, Clarke indicates for them to sit. They end up sitting, elbows touching on her bed. For what seems like several minutes, they both stare down at the floor.

“Why did you act that way?” Clarke asks finally being done with the deafening silence.

“It’s a long story,” Lexa sighs.

Clarke notices that Lexa looks defeated, in more ways than one, tonight.

****************************

Being near Clarke was proving to be tumultuous for Lexa. She couldn’t decide if her nervous energy was sexually or shamefully charged. Maybe both? Clarke was intoxicating. Lexa found herself wanting forgiveness more and more.

Lexa didn’t plan on coming here tonight to give her life story to Clarke. But, that is what she ended up doing. She shared how her relationship with her father was toxic, and how things with her mother were even worse.

She tried to explain the pressures of being born into nobility. Most of that sounded like ‘first-world’ problems. Clarke confirmed this with the disapproving looks on her face. Lexa can admit that some of that were likely projections of her own. Clarke was an active listener. Lexa was not accustomed to someone giving her time to speak. Even in moments Lexa tried to collect her thoughts, Clarke remained silent, patiently waiting for Lexa to continue. It felt nice to have this attention.

“Yep, so that is the gist.” Lexa concludes.

She is on the verge of tears. Unpacking her family’s emotional baggage was draining. Clarke gently interlaces their fingers. The small gesture is the tipping point for Lexa. Rivers of silent tears trail down her face. Seeing the release, Clarke tugs on Lexa’s shirt. She pulls them to a lying position on the bed, legs hanging off the side. Lexa tucks her head into Clarke’s neck; silent sobs rocking her.

After a few minutes, they manage to readjust to fully lying on the bed. Lexa finds comfort in the familiar lavender and vanilla scents.

“You can stay the night,” Clarke whispers into Lexa’s ear. It was meant to be a comforting offer but it sends a shiver down Lexa’s spine. Suddenly, she no longer feels sad. She feels visceral.

Looking up to meet Clarke’s eyes, Lexa stares into the blackness consuming blue. She slowly turns toward Clarke. Clarke leans forward to meet Lexa’s lips. She can taste Clarke’s cookie flavored chap stick.

Lexa breaks their kiss to rise to sitting position while pulling Clarke on top of her. She rests her hands on Clarke’s hips as the girl straddles her. Wanting more, Lexa opens her mouth to deepen their kiss. Clarke explores the space with her tongue. Biting Clarke’s lips causes a moan to escape, and Lexa grips tighter onto Clarke’s hips. In response, Clarke starts to grind against Lexa.

Lexa pushes forward to land on top of Clarke. She needs to feel Clarke’s skin against her own. She pulls her own shirt off, dropping it on the floor. Clarke does the same. A few moments of awkward unbuttoning and peeling off pants pass before they both lie naked against one another. Clarke’s skin burns against Lexa. Goosebumps meet the fingertips tracing Clarke’s chest. Their eyes meet—asking for permission to go further. Slowly, Lexa presses against the girl beneath her. Clarke’s hips buck in desire.

“Fuck me,” Clarke purrs. 

Clarke’s arousal makes it easy for Lexa to slide her fingers into her. Clarke cries out. Lexa places a hand over her lover’s mouth, “shhh.” Lexa chuckles, “your mom will hear us.”

Clarke removes Lexa’s hand.

“I don’t care,” Clarke hisses before seizing Lexa’s lips once more.

***********************************

Clarke woke to an empty space beside her. This mirrored the morning following their first hook-up. Clarke figured Lexa wasn’t the girl to stay-over. It probably didn’t help that they weren’t in a relationship. Clarke tucked that thought away in box in her mind—not ready to take out that one.

Glancing at her phone, she realizes she never texted Echo back. She slaps her forehead.

Echo was a cool chick and Clarke enjoyed her time with her. Why was she avoiding her? Exclusivity wasn’t Clarke’s nature so this new thing with Lexa shouldn’t deter her from anyone else.

Besides, this ‘thing’ with Lexa couldn’t be anything more serious. Deciding to pull her head out of her ass, Clarke texts Echo.

_Clarke: Hey, sorry. Midterm prep has me fucked up._

Clarke knows this is a lame text. It probably isn’t something someone would expect to receive at 6:13 am. Sheesh. Clarke tries to cushion it with a text asking Echo to meet her after school. This seemed to do the trick—Echo agreed fairly easily.

After throwing her clothes together, Clarke races down the stairs. Her stride is interrupted by a tall figure standing in the kitchen threshold.

“Whoa,” Clarke halts herself.

Marcus turns to meet her with a smile. Clarke inwardly groans. Marcus isn’t a bad guy. She knows that. But, goddamn…does his presence have to be a surprise every time?

“Morning, Marcus.” Clarke tries to be polite.

“Good morning!” He says with suspicious enthusiasm.

Clarke peeks past him to find her mom scrambling to zip up her pants. Oh god. Oh…god.

Realizing that Marcus’ placement was strategic and they were likely cooking up some fucks in the kitchen, Clarke gets angry.

“You have to be joking!” She screams at Abby. Abby straightens out the rat’s nest resting on her head.

“Lower your voice.” Abby tries to remain calm.

“This is a common place!” Clarke goes up one more octave. Her hands wave above her for dramatic flair.

“Shit happens, Clarke!”

Clarke blinks at this. Did her mom just say ‘shit happens?’ Clarke had to suffocate the flood of giggles rising in her belly. She was not going to let Abby off the hook that easily. Knowing the giggles would resurface, Clarke walks past Abby to leave the house.

Clarke stands out in the driveway. She glances down at her watch. It was way too early for Raven and Octavia to arrive. Desperate, she sends a text to someone she knows is awake right now.

While waiting, Clarke happens to glance in the yard, below her window. The flowers. Shit. Clarke quickly grabbed them before her mom saw them. She didn't want to deal with that explanation... especially after giving her mom so much grief for her sex life. She grabs the bouquet; sunflowers and lilies, not bad. Their beauty doesn't stop her from slamming them into the garbage can. Satisfied that she got away with it, Clarke claps her hands and returns to waiting in the driveway.

It isn’t more than ten minutes before a matte, black Wrangler is pulling into her driveway. Clarke flashes a big grin at Echo. Echo returns the gesture.

Clarke bounces into the Jeep.

“Weird timing for a booty call,” Echo jokes.

“I’m a weird girl,” Clarke counters. Echo laughs.

“Alright weird girl,” Echo shifts the Jeep into reverse. “What do you want to do?” she slings her arm around the backside of Clarke’s seat.

Clarke kind of enjoyed how dominating Echo’s presence was.

“What do you normally do this early?” Clarke asks. She catches a sparkle in Echo’s eyes.

“Let me show you.”


	14. Slip Under My Armor

*_Swoosh*_

Echo sinks her ninth shot. Clarke didn’t expect a round of one-on-one basketball against Echo. To be transparent, Clarke never made a good b-ball player. But this was not a fair match-up. Echo was the captain of the women’s ball team. She was beyond good.

“I was surprised to hear from you,” Echo hands a bottle of water to Clarke. Clarke takes a gulp, wipes her mouth.

“Don’t be,” Clarke hands the bottle back to Echo. Their fingers touch. They lock eyes. Echo steps closer to Clarke and tucks her index finger underneath Clarke’s chin.

Looking up at Echo now, Clarke gets a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something about this doesn’t feel right. She keeps thinking about Lexa. She remembers Lexa’s eager hands traveling every surface of Clarke’s body. Clarke shivers from the memory. Echo takes this a cue to lean in closer, nipping at Clarke’s bottom lip.

Clarke pushes the unsettling feeling further below the surface. She buries any thoughts. She lets herself explore Echo’s kisses. They are soft. She can sense some restraint. There is a dangerous energy with it.

Clarke pulls back from Echo, “time to go.” Echo licks her lips, and then nods in agreement.

Echo always seemed comfortable letting Clarke make the calls. Clarke liked this. Don’t get it twisted; she isn’t about controlling people…just her situation. She never stayed in any environment where she didn’t believe she could affect the outcome.

“Oh, definitely not this shit,” Echo moves to change the radio.

“Hateful.” Clarke pouts. She wanted to jam to some Halestorm on their commute to campus.

“My car, my music.” Apparently, Echo was a tyrant over the radio.

**********************************

“Missed you,” Costia leans in to kiss Lexa on the mouth. Lexa turns to her head. Costia’s kiss lands on the cheek.

“Seriously?” Costia’s posture turns defensive.

Lexa didn’t want to piss her off, especially this early. But with recent events, she wanted to be upfront with Costia. Since Costia’s parents grounded her, Lexa hasn’t been able to hang out with her girlfriend. 

She reaches out to place her hand on Costia’s. It isn’t a natural movement, but she hopes it offers the girl some comfort.

“We need to talk,” Lexa tries to hold eye-contact. Costia’s eyes widen. This was harder than Lexa anticipated.

“I don’t want to know,” Costia blurts out. Lexa purses her lips. She knows it’s only a matter of time before word about Clarke and Lexa gets out.

“You never like being blindsided,” Lexa presses. Costia diverts her attention to Instagram. This was her ‘this conversation is over’ move.

“Alright, I tried.” Lexa puts the car in drive. She cranks up the radio. This is a Dave East kind of morning.

She bobs her head to the beat—letting the passing vehicles and trees turn to blur.

Not long after parking, Lexa looks up to see Clarke hopping out of Echo’s Jeep. She clenches her jaw.

“Did you get it out of your system,” Costia says to interrupt Lexa’s concentration.

“Hmm?”

“That Claire girl, did you fuck her?” Costia must have noticed the way Lexa was watching Clarke.

Lexa nods.

“One-time thing?”

Lexa shakes her head, “twice now.”

Costia sighs, “going to see her again?”

“I don’t know.”

Costia picks at her nails. She always does that whenever weighing options.

“I like hanging with her, but I’m not sure it’s anything more than that,” Lexa continues.

“She isn’t your caliber.”

There it is—the elephant in the room that Lexa has been waiting for. Lexa and Clarke come from different types of families. They know that, everyone knows that. Lexa also knows a relationship with Clarke, in Indra and Titus’ minds, would be inexcusable.

“I didn’t mention anything about dating her,” Lexa bites back. Her tone comes out sharper than expected.

Costia turns to look Lexa in the eyes, “I guess I should break up with you, yea?”

“Probably,” Lexa exhales. She isn’t sure she wants this relationship to end. Things were complicated, sure. Lexa may even be happier if it ended. But Lexa doesn’t like to lose. A challenge is a challenge and Lexa wants to win them all.

“Do you think you can keep this on the low?” Costia forces Lexa to look at her.

“Possibly” Lexa scrunches her nose, “I can try.”

“I don’t want to finish my senior year being the girl that got dumped,” Costia states matter of fact. This admission doesn’t surprise Lexa… of course Costia would be more concerned about reputation.

“I also believe you’ll get tired of her quickly,” Costia continues. Lexa isn’t sure if this is fact or not. She hasn’t processed her vibe with Clarke, yet. She just sits quietly while Costia speaks.

“Don’t be stupid,” Costia pokes Lexa’s chest, “keep it private and we can keep coasting.”

Lexa nods. She thought this was fair enough.

“Now kiss me,” Costia demands. Lexa obeys.

A smack at the window disrupts their union. Lexa looks up to see Anya with her face pressed against the glass.

“Why are you friends with her?” Costia slurs. Lexa ignores the question and opens the car door.

“Ew,” Anya fakes a gag, “why are you with her?” She points to Costia. Costia rewards her with a middle-finger.

“You both bug me,” Lexa gripes.

They all three walk into the building. Lexa notices Clarke watching them. Apparently, Costia does too and takes Lexa’s hand in her own. It was a possessive move but what was Lexa to do about it.

Lexa tries to stop staring at Clarke and Echo. Her attempts are futile. Echo’s laughter keeps drawing her attention. Clarke must be saying something funny…which wouldn’t be unexpected. Lexa, too, enjoys Clarke’s wit. 

“Ready for tonight?” Anya interrupts Lexa’s thoughts. Lexa automatically knew what Anya was referring to. It’s Thursday night, which means they have practice. Last practice, Lexa’s ass was handed to her by Clarke. She was ready to even the score. 

“Always.”

Anya mirrors Lexa’s mischievous grin. 

***************************

“Why do you take public transit after school?”

Murphy quirks his head at the question, “are you this nosey with everyone?”

Clarke laughs, “only people I like.” He grins through chomping his gum.

“I like to meet my mom where she works,” he drops to guard position. He waves Clarke over. She drops into his guard. They work through some arm-bar drills…which includes setting up and countering.

“Does she work someplace cool?”

Clarke can see that he is considering the question.

“No.”

They swap positions. Now, Clarke works arm-bars from guard position.

“Five minutes!” The coach reminds the class. This is warm ups before live rolls.

“Then why?” Clarke grunts. She and Murphy have been sparring partners for several weeks now. This creates a sense of camaraderie. What’s wrong with wanting to know more about him?

“It’s just me and my mom. I like to make sure she gets home safely.” He sighs, “She works in a rough part of town.”

“Softie,” Clarke smirks. He playfully shoves her. She wondered what happened to his father. Did he die? Did he desert them? She could relate to some of that. It was just Clarke and her mom, too. However, her relationship with her mom didn’t survive quite like Murphy and his.

Coach indicates that it’s time for spars. Murphy and Clarke were planning to roll. Murphy was going to test for a higher belt in December. He needed all the practice manageable. He was determined to make Brown. Clarke was more than happy to help him get there. It gave her fulfillment to help him reach his potential.

“You owe me a rematch.” A voice behind Clarke states. She already knows who it is.

“I don’t know,” she looks around, “I’m not in the mood for cleaning up your tears.”

“Ohhhhh!” Raven swoops in. Octavia and Raven are now behind Clarke, hyping her up. Murphy disappears into the group. Lexa isn’t fazed. Clarke revels in the support.

“C’mon,” Lexa pulls her to the indicated sparring mats. Electricity ignites Clarke’s wrist at Lexa’s touch. _Get ahold of yourself_ Clarke scolds herself. As if hearing her thoughts, Lexa winks at Clarke.

She couldn’t deny that this girl had an enchantment on her. Trouble. Clarke needed to get this squared away. Since Jake… well, since his absence, Clarke doesn’t let anyone in. It’s easier that way. They can’t disappoint you this way. Usually, Clarke doesn’t have trouble keeping people locked away in boxes.

Lexa is the first to blur those boundaries. This isn’t a feeling she is accustomed to. It scares and excites her at the same time. How can this girl with perfect cheek bones and gorgeous skin have such a hold on Clarke? She has hooked up with beautiful people before. They didn’t have this kind of hold on her.

Lexa was different, though. Clarke sensed a familiarity with Lexa’s darkness. They have both been let down when they needed support the most. Lexa was starting to invade spaces in Clarke that have been long vacant.

“Are you ready,” Lexa asks as she settles into fight-mode.

_Now that is a question._ Clarke thinks to herself.


	15. Never Pick up, Never call Me

With legs interwoven in a tangle of jersey knit sheets, Clarke and Lexa study the ceiling. Lexa notices a few additions to Clarke’s sketch collection. At this point, Lexa has stared up at this view several times. They have made sneaking Lexa into Clarke’s house a ritual.

Lexa feels a rush of coldness at her side where Clarke’s body was currently nestled. Clarke has adjusted to face Lexa.

“You’re so beautiful.” Clarke whispers as she reaches to push a strand of hair from Lexa’s forehead.

Lexa doesn’t respond at first. She allows Clarke to continue stroking her hair and neck. It was comforting to lie here next to her. It has been several months since they met. Lexa reflects on her first encounter with Clarke. She never expected to see them here, lying naked against one another.

“You are,” Lexa gently kisses Clarke’s lips then lowers her voice, “the most beautiful.”

Pleased, Clarke giggles before rolling on top of Lexa once more.

Between them, things were easy. They continued Jiu Jitsu private lessons, with Sociology occasionally added to the mix. Each session ended the same. They would get hot and heavy; before anyone could catch them, plans were made to meet at Clarke’s.

It has been three weeks since Lexa’s conversation with Costia. Thus far, Lexa has managed to keep her promise to Costia—her trysts with Clarke have remained private. Luckily, Clarke was willing to comply. She never asked for more from Lexa. Part of her knew this was a gift but at times, Lexa wondered if Clarke could develop feelings for her.

It bothered her that Clarke was still seeing Echo. Seeing someone touch Clarke burned in Lexa’s abdomen and chest.

Lexa runs a finger down Clarke’s hips. She hated knowing Echo touched these places. _Were her hands softer than mine? Did Clarke shiver when Echo whispered in her ear, too? _Lexa tries to shake these thoughts from her mind. After all, she was the one lying here with Clarke—not Echo.

“What’s wrong,” Clarke breaks Lexa’s spiral.

“Nothing,” Lexa tries to cover. Clarke can see through it. Lexa can see the shadows of concern darken Clarke’s face. _Way to ruin a nice moment, Lexa. _She berates herself.

Clarke rises up, pulling a blanket over her chest, “You’re lying.”

Lexa tries to kiss Clarke…anything to divert away from this conversation. Clarke turns her cheek. Lexa flinches.

“I shouldn’t say,” Lexa says barely loud enough for Clarke to hear.

“What is it?” Clarke huffs. The girl has the patience of a child.

“It’s stupid,” Lexa matches Clarke’s tone.

“Lexa,” Clarke lowers her voice. She stares at Lexa, her eyes begging for a revelation. Lexa felt herself not wanting to disappoint Clarke. It was bad enough that she ruined their moment together.

“I am jealous of you and Echo,” she utters.

She waits for Clarke to throw her out. Why not? Lexa was being beyond selfish. However, she was stunned to see Clarke’s smile.

“Hmm,” Clarke crawls towards Lexa, “didn’t peg you for the jealous type.”

Lexa flips Clarke to her back. She lands lightly on top of the girl.

“Really?” She matches the grin beaming at her from Clarke, below. She was grateful for this response. Maybe Clarke did care about Lexa as more than a booty-call. Maybe she would consider more exclusivity.

“I think it’s cute,” Clarke pecks at Lexa’s lips.

_Cute? _This made Lexa’s chest burn again. Clarke was not taking this seriously. Lexa tenses then rolls off of Clarke. _Time to go._ Lexa feverishly searches for her clothes. _Where did she throw her sports bra?_ Finally, she spots it underneath Clarke’s pants. _Naturally._

“Lexa, what are you doing?” Clarke starts throwing her own clothes on. She catches Lexa by the elbow.

“Is this a joke to you?” Lexa blinks back hot tears. Clarke furrows her brows, shaking her head.

“I don’t understa— ”

“Of course not,” Lexa interrupts.

“Hey!” Clarke shouts.

Lexa turns to face her.

“I had a vulnerable moment with you and you call it…” Lexa stutters, “cute.”

Clarke reaches out to touch Lexa. Lexa steps out of reach.

“Lexa, I’m sorry,” Clarke’s voice cracks, “I didn’t realize you were serious.” She bites her lower lip.

“Why would I joke about that?”

“Because you’re in a relationship with someone else,” Clarke flicks her wrist.

Lexa runs her tongue over her teeth. Angry emotions engulf her throat. She does her best to keep them at bay. Years with Indra and Titus have trained her well for these moments. She manages to keep her calm. After all, Clarke was not wrong. Lexa already knew she was being selfish. Knowing this didn’t make things easier.

_In a relationship_? If only Clarke knew the half of it. Maybe then she would understand that what Lexa felt for Clarke was unmatched by anything else—that Lexa’s relationship with Costia had nothing to do with emotions.

Lexa hated the word ‘relationship.’ It implied devotion and undying love. Growing up, Lexa never witnessed a relationship like that. Indra and Titus were married. There was nothing about love, goosebumps, giddiness, chasing each other around the living room happening in that relationship. It was a business deal. For Lexa, her relationship with Costia mirrored Indra and Titus’.

“Are you interested in her?” Lexa clenches her jaw.

Clarke looks to the ground.

“Thought so.” Lexa exits through the window, leaving a silent Clarke standing behind. Her own heart crying out.

*****************************

Clarke barely slept. She was wide awake at four am… granted this was only thirty minutes before her usual. She needed to get dressed for a workout but couldn’t focus. Her thoughts were consumed with the previous night’s events.

She shouldn’t have let Lexa leave. Why couldn’t she answer the goddamn question? Lexa’s declaration took Clarke by surprise. She didn’t realize things were getting serious between them. She recognized that they were spending more and more nights together. But Clarke figured it was about the sex more than anything else.

If she devoted thought to it, Clarke would recognize that she was becoming dependent on Lexa. Every waking moment had Clarke running through thoughts of Lexa. One night she even opened up about her father’s death. Lexa noticed that Clarke was in a particularly dreary mood that night. It was the anniversary of his death.

_“What happened,” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ear. Clarke nuzzled in closer to Lexa; scents of sandalwood and salt filled her senses. She exhales. “It was a car accident. Earlier that day, he, my mom, and I were all in the kitchen. Mom was making pancakes. They were his favorite. He and I were imitating dinosaurs…” She pauses to poke Lexa’s nose, “because they are cool.” She says before Lexa can judge her. She continues, “He got a phone call and had to leave immediately. On his way, he took a turn too wide and drove underneath an oncoming semi. We were told he never suffered any pain.” Lexa pulls Clarke tighter as she asks, “What was the call.” Good question, Clarke thought to herself. Her eyes flooded with burning tears. She debated on telling Lexa this part of the story. She only learned the truth of this phone call a little over a year ago. She notices Lexa searching her eyes. Clarke stared into encouraging green eyes. “He was having an affair,” she hiccupped. Lexa rubs Clarke’s back. “It was more than that.” Clarke wipes her own tears away, the anger draining them. “They had a kid together.” Clarke feels Lexa tense beside her. Yea, that was juicy part of the story. “He was hiding this other family from us. Apparently the kid was around my age.” Lexa mutters a “jesus, fuck” under her breath. This tickles Clarke. “Do all of your hook-ups end in tears?” Clarke playfully asks. “Usually tears of joy,” Lexa retorts. They both work to stifle their laughter—had to remember her mom was asleep next door. _

“Clarke?” Abby finds Clarke sitting on the edge of her bed, lost in thought. “Clarke,” she says a little louder. This gets Clarke’s attention.

“Did you have someone over last night?” Abby’s face is painted with concern.

“Did you know?” Clarke doesn’t remove her gaze from Lexa’s bombas socks on the floor. Her lover left them during her exit.

“Did I know what,” Abby sits next to Clarke.

“Did you know he had a family?” Clarke hears Abby’s breathing hitch.

Clarke and her mom were never close. She was always a daddy’s girl, but she and Abby managed to get along for the most part. Once Clarke discovered Jake’s infidelity, all hope and trust in anyone vanished. Clarke pushed everyone out. If she couldn’t trust her hero, how could she trust anyone? It wasn’t Abby’s fault. And truthfully, Clarke could have used the comfort of shared pain. Her pride wouldn’t let her. 

“Of course not,” Abby follows Clarke’s gaze to the pair of socks. Clarke chews on the inside of her lip.

Keeping everyone at arm’s length was exhausting. Before Lexa, Clarke felt numb to it all. Right now, though, she could feel everything. She could feel her mom’s concern. She could feel the compassion. She felt the emptiness left by Jake… and now Lexa. Clarke was growing less convinced that she wanted to keep living this way. She needed to make an effort. Her mother was here now and she shouldn’t let that go to waste.

“I love you,” Clarke sighs. They are simple words but Clarke hasn’t said them aloud in over a year. Abby quickly turns her head to Clarke.

“I love you,” Abby pulls Clarke into a hug. Parting, they return to staring at the socks.

“Those aren’t your socks,” Abby raises her eyebrow.

“About that…” Clarke starts before sprinting down the stairs before Abby can catch her.

************************

_Clarke: Can we talk?_

Lexa must have stared at the message a hundred times by now. It’s only been a few hours since she left Clarke’s room. With barely any sleep, she is running on fumes at this point.

“Yo, Lexa let’s go!” Anya says before sprinting into the gym.

“Are you alright?” asks Lincoln, always the caretaker. Lexa zips her phone into her backpack.

“I will be,” She gives him a smile for reassurance. She hoists the backpack onto her shoulder and they both sprint to the building.

Inside, they are met with a few others joining the workout. Echo and Anya have paired up for partner leg throws. Lexa feels the tension rising in her shoulders. _First Clarke and now the best friend, too? _Lexa rubs her face. She is being ridiculous. Anya and Echo have been friends for years. This isn’t anything new. _But why does she feel so territorial? All of this for Clarke? _

“Partner with me?” Lexa directs to Lincoln. He agrees.

Lexa barely manages to get through the workout routine without growling at Echo. It didn’t help that Echo was blissfully unaware of the tension Lexa was building between them.

“Lincoln said he could get us into grounders again,” Echo tries to make conversation with Lexa during the wind-down run.

“Cool,” Lexa barely acknowledges.

“Want to ride together?” Echo continues, “Or will you be boo’d up with Costia?”

Lexa slows down to a stop. Echo matches the pace. Lexa had no intention of letting Echo see her jealousy. She would have to swallow her pride. Hell. She would just let Echo have Clarke. It didn’t matter to Clarke anyhow. Right?

“Sounds good,” she forces a smile. Echo nods before racing towards the end of the loop. A buzzing from her backpack stalls Lexa’s run.

_Clarke: Please talk to me_

Lexa deletes then blocks the number. It’s better this way. Blocking her number was the easy part… avoiding Clarke in sociology and jiu jitsu would prove to be more of a challenge. Of course, Lexa couldn’t be intimidated by a challenge.

*smack*

Lexa is jolted by a smack to her ass. Anya runs past, laughing. Rubbing her now sore ass-cheek, Lexa kicks up grass to chase after Anya.

“Little bitch!” She yells while laughing.

“You loved it!” Anya yells over her shoulder.

Lexa’s long stride enables her to catch up with Anya. She tackles the girl to the ground. They immediately transition into a BJJ sparring session. The small group has gathered around them. Lexa reveled in the familiarity of the movements. In this space, she had control. There were no guesses—just a puzzle she could solve and solve quickly.

After a few submissions from both, they break to get dressed for class. The communal showers in the bathroom were filled with conversation. It was mostly Anya and Echo talking about recent hook-ups. Surprisingly, it didn’t seem like Anya was talking about Raven. Lexa actively tried to avoid hearing any details concerning Echo’s recent victim.

A naked Echo walks past Lexa. She couldn’t stop from noticing how attractive Echo is. As she was sizing up the girl, she notices a hickey on her hip bone. Lexa nearly bent over. Seeing that felt like a punch to the gut. She didn’t know if it was from Clarke or not but something told her it was.

Echo winks as she notices Lexa’s moment of weakness. Lexa’s nostrils flare as she inhales deeply.

“Did someone fart?” Anya comes up from behind Lexa. “You look like you just smelled a bad fart,” she explains. Lexa shakes her head. She and Echo exchange glances before finishing up in the showers.

“Am I missing something,” Anya whispers to Lexa.

“I’ll fill you in later,” Lexa throws her gym clothes into the locker. She slams the door a harder than intended. Anya winces, “careful!” She throws her hands up to her ears.

“Sorry,” Lexa shrugs.

Lexa feels her phone vibrate.

_Costia: I’ll meet you at your locker xoxo_

Lexa rubs her thumb over the screen. _It’s better this way, _She reminds herself. It’s easier this way.


	16. Sorry that I Can't Believe

“That sounds dramatic,” Anya casually stretches through a cobra pose.

“Which part?” Lexa leans towards her own left foot, getting a full stretch on her hamstrings.

“All of it.”

Lexa stops stretching. She sticks her tongue out at Anya.

“Fine. You didn’t have to leave like that? Did she deserve it?”

Anya and Lexa pair up for partner crunches.

Lexa considers the questions. She has thought about that night every night since. It was exhausting. She is conflicted on every aspect of it. Clarke has a way of eliciting emotional responses from Lexa. That was a fact—a fact that troubled Lexa. She didn’t want to be emotional.

“Probably not, but I can’t change that now.” Lexa rests back on her elbows. Anya shoots her an emphatic look. _Ugh, that is the last thing Lexa wants right now._

“Would you?”

Lexa stares at Anya. _Would she?_ Lexa didn’t like apologizing for her emotions. She felt what she felt. Years of invalidation can teach how to self-reflect and validate your own self. Before she can answer, more trainees pile into the room. It’s time for practice to begin.

Lexa watches Clarke enter. She notices that Clarke is avoiding eye contact. That was probably for the best. It would certainly help Lexa ignore her.

Rolling with Anya had a different affect than with Clarke. With Anya, Lexa was able to focus on form and skill. Anya was a formidable opponent and this kept Lexa at her best. With Clarke, Lexa ended up losing her focus, focusing instead on the familiar scents and intimacy of touching the girl.

A near head-choke brings Lexa out of her trance. She manages to escape the submission. She calculates that if she remains cools, Anya will end up gassing her muscles too early. Anya was explosive. This worked in her favor with most opponents. Lexa, however, knew to ride out those waves with Anya. Lexa was confident enough in her counters that she never worried about submission attempts.

Her patience pays off. Anya exhausts herself and Lexa is able to mount and submit. Lexa looks up to see that Clarke is watching. She feels a ping inside her chest. She breaks eye-contact with Clarke. Suddenly, her hands feel clammy. _Fuck_. She wipes her hands on her gi.

Class wrapped up shortly after her roll with Anya. Lexa was spread out on the mat, neatly folding her gi. Anya had run off somewhere private with Raven. They really sucked at discretion.

“Hey.”

Lexa looks up to see Clarke standing over her. She couldn’t be surprised that Clarke made this move.

“Hi,” Lexa returns to her folding.

Clarke kneels down next to Lexa. She starts folding her own gi, mirroring Lexa’s technique. Lexa notices a crease out of place. She leans over to adjust it for Clarke.

“Thanks,” Clarke gives a small smile. Lexa shoves her own gi into her duffle bag.

“Can we go somewhere to talk?” Clarke speaks lowly. Lexa notices Clarke picking at her fingernails. She is anxious.

“Sure, meet me by the lockers in five.” Lexa decides it would be best if she were transparent with Clarke. Lexa didn’t feel the need to apologize for her behavior, but Clarke did deserve an explanation for the ghosting.

Lexa approaches Clarke at the lockers. She notes how Clarke has her arms wrapped around herself. Lexa felt guilt for causing Clarke this grief. They sit next to one another on the bench. Lexa tries to ignore the familiar hints of lavender and vanilla. _Did Clarke just saturate herself in the stuff?_

“Can we move past this and go back to hanging out?” Clarke bites her lip. Lexa shakes her head. She wants more than anything to kiss the girl.

“Why not,” Clarke takes a deep breath. She reaches for Lexa’s hand. Lexa pulls away; standing to pace in front of Clarke.

“Because we can’t be more than this,” Lexa lowers her voice, “Because I can’t offer you anything.”

“I’m not asking for anything more than- ”

“I can’t stand the thought of you with someone else…with Echo!” Lexa interjects.

Clarke blinks rapidly, like butterflies fleeing a disruption in the meadow.

Lexa lowers her voice again, “and I cannot ask that of you.”

Clarke stands to halt Lexa’s pacing. They stand face to face now.

“Can we not ask that of each other?” Clarke’s eyes search Lexa’s. Lexa notices how storms were welling in those blue spaces.

“Even if I left Costia,” Lexa looks at her hands, “we still couldn’t be together.”

She looks up again to find clouded blue skies looking back at her; pools forming at the corners. She wants to comfort her, to kiss those tears away.

Lexa feels the pain deep within her ribcage. Clarke already knew Lexa’s familial obligations. She should already know not to ask this of Lexa.

“I think that is stupid,” Clarke clenches her jaw. Lexa agrees.

“I think it’s best if we end all of it,” Lexa’s breath shakes. She knows a sob is waiting below the surface.

“Because of your family bullshit?” Clarke steps closer to Lexa. Lexa steps back, feeling the lockers against her back. The lock on the locker digs into her lower back. She tries to focus on that discomfort. It momentarily distracts her from the present pain with Clarke.

“We have a real connection, Lexa. Can we at least remain friends?”

“You have Raven and Octavia.”

“It’s not the same,” Clarke sighs, “you understand me better than most. You know about my dad.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa blinks back hot tears.

“I know you feel it, too.” Clarke continues. Her nose presses against Lexa’s; a breath away from lips touching. Lexa turns her head, creating distance between them.

“I can’t disappoint them.” _Them_, Indra and Titus. Lexa hates herself for wanting their approval, at the detriment of her own desires.

Clarke’s tear stop falling. She straightens her posture, wiping at her eyes with a sleeve. She takes a moment to settle her breathing. Lexa watches, waiting for the tantrum. Clarke settles her attention on Lexa’s mouth, then to her eyes.

“One day, I hope you start living for yourself.” With that, Clarke picks up her backpack and exits the room. Lexa stands in the low lighting, lonely and sad.

“Me too,” she whispers into the vacant space.

******************************

“You’ve been quiet,” Raven picks at Clarke’s hair.

“Is it about Lexa?” Octavia asks gently.

It has been two weeks since the locker room. Clarke recognized that she was struggling with stuffing it all into a box. She wanted to take that box and bury it so deep that it could never resurface. Turns out, this box was too heavy for Clarke. Regardless, she did hope that no one could notice her pain. It made her feel exposed.

“Can we just have fun tonight?” Clarke’s eyes plead with her friends.

“Hell yea!” Raven shouts.

“What do you want to do?” Octavia prompts with a smile.

“Dance.”

They all exchange glances before erupting in excitement. It has been far too long since their last night in the club.

“I’m sure Lincoln can get us in again,” Raven grins, “I’ll text Anya.”

Octavia gives Raven a sideways glance, “Or I can text him…?”

“Oh yea, totally forgot you guys are a thing,” Raven laughs.

“This will be the perfect way to end the semester before Christmas break!”

Raven and Octavia get lost in planning the night. Clarke looks out the window. She digs out her earbuds from her backpack. Once in, she opens up Halestorm’s “The Strange Case of…” album. She found herself here, searching out ballads.

She was happy to see her friends in such a good mood. However, she was not ready to leave her misery. She knew “Break In” would rip apart her emotions.

_“…you’re the only one that knows me, and in the dark you show me, yea it’s perfectly reckless, damn, you leave me defenseless…so break in”_

She looks out the window, focusing on the passing trees and vehicles as tears blur her vision. Eventually, she will let this go. For now, she just needs to cry it out. Music helps her reach those crevices buried deep within her heart.

She is alerted to a peck on her cheek. She turns to see Octavia pulling away. She pulls an earbud out of her ear.

“You looked sad,” Octavia explains. Clarke nods, gives her a smile and returns to listening to her melancholy.

Classes held the same, chaotic energy as her friends. Everyone was excited about the three week break from school. It didn’t help that Christmas was around the corner, too. For obvious reasons, it was not Clarke’s preferred holiday. It only reminded her of Jake. She sighs.

Clarke is tired of missing out on happiness. She gives his death and infidelity too much power over her. It was time to make some new traditions, some new memories.

“Hey guys,” Clarke speaks up. Raven and Octavia give her their attention.

“I want to have a Christmas party at my place. Think you would up for that?”

Their smiles answer her question. It was settled, she would host a Christmas party at her house.

She was sure Abby would be accommodating. Her first thought was to shoot Lexa a text, but then she remembered that wasn’t an option anymore. She thought about who all to invite; definitely Murphy, Raven, and Octavia. Octavia would want to bring Lincoln so that is cool. Would Raven bring Anya? Who knows? It wouldn’t matter either way; although, it would be weird to have Lexa’s friends there without her presence. Especially since her presence is preferred. Clarke forces the thoughts down.

Should she invite Echo? Since Lexa’s declaration, Clarke has found it difficult (near impossible) to continue seeing Echo. Knowing that seeing her hurt Lexa made the whole thing unappetizing. However, they have seen each other a couple times—mostly while other people were around. Clarke did consider Echo a friend. Besides, the stuff with Lexa is over so it shouldn’t matter if Echo and Clarke hang out. Knowing that didn’t make things any easier for Clarke. She still carried the guilt. She would need to think more about whether or not to invite Echo.


	17. I believe, I believe

“I’ve got the cups!” Raven shouts over the crowd, as she thrusts a bag of solo cups above her head. Abby takes the cups and places them on the kitchen counter next to a stack of plates. Everyone works to assemble the countertop and table. There is food decorating every flat service of the kitchen.

“There is so much food!” Octavia’s eyes glisten with anticipation. She definitely had the biggest appetite of them all; even bigger than the six foot plus, giant Lincoln standing next to her.

Clarke didn’t imagine this big of a turnout. Granted, there were only seven people present; eight if you count Marcus. Anya came with Raven… although, Clarke got the impression Anya was coerced into coming. Clarke doesn’t want to imagine the bribes Raven used to get her girlfriend (?)/lover here. Clarke decided inviting Echo would be a bad idea. Even though they could have remained friends, Clarke knew she wanted a way to bring Lexa back into her life. This meant there was no room for Echo.

The party was a pot-luck, and even though only a few were in attendance, everyone brought more than their fair share of food. Clarke remembers counting at least 8 deserts littering the fridge. She was not looking forward to her future belly-ache.

“Clarke, could you bring in the patio table?” Abby shakily pushes her hair out of her eyes, “We need more counter-surfaces.” She has been a mad-woman cleaning, cooking, cleaning, and cooking all morning. Abby’s forehead was glistening with all the worry and stress she carried into this party. Clarke hoped that making this a pot-luck would alleviate Abby’s stress… that didn’t seem to help.

“Sure,” Clarke weaves through a maze of friends and pushes past a frantic Marcus. He, too, was running himself thin trying to organize and manage the crowd and food placements. Clarke was grateful to not be carrying these burdens, especially since the whole party thing was her idea in the first place.

“Shit,” Clarke mutters to herself once she got a look at the table. It had at least a diameter of five feet. Did Abby really expect her to get this thing into the house on her own? As she starts to scoot this table towards the front-door, she notices a vehicle pulling into the driveway. It takes only a matter of moments to see that the passenger is Murphy. Perfect; she will have him help her move this damn thing.

“Murphy!” She yells to him as he walks the paved pathway to her front-door.

“Get to work,” she snaps while indicating to the table.

“That looks heavy.”

“Uh huh,” Clarke nods dramatically, “which is why you’re going to help me.”

He laughs and quickly positions himself on the opposite side of the table. After some assessments, they managed to figure out an efficient way to move the table inside. It only required some minor cursing on Clarke’s part; her fingers got slammed into the door frame a couple of times.

Once inside, Lincoln and Marcus take control of the table. They move it to the living room with greater ease than Clarke and Murphy managed. Clarke wondered why those two didn’t do the whole thing in the first place. _Whatever_

“C’mon, let me introduce you to my mom.” Clarke pulls Murphy towards the oven where Abby was finishing up a pot of mac and cheese.

“Mom!” Clarke gets her attention.

With pot in hand, Abby turns to acknowledge Clarke.

“What is it— ah,” Abby gasps and drops the pot of mac and cheese to the floor. Princess shaped pasta and cheese scattered across the kitchen tiles. Clarke even noted seeing some cheese splat against the cabinet doors. Peeling her eyes from the mess, Clarke looks to see ghostly features replacing her mom’s usual face. Abby only looked this pale whenever she was sick.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Murphy,” Abby whispers, disregarding the mess surrounding her as she steps toward Murphy. He looks about as confused as Clarke. Abby reaches out to touch his hair.

“What the hell, freak?!” Clarke swats Abby’s trembling hands from Murphy. She looks to him with what she hopes is an apologetic look. Right now, words are failing Clarke. Why would her mother behave such a way?

“Are you Mary’s boy?” Abby finally speaks. Clarke can hear the quiver in her mom’s voice.

Murphy slowly nods to answer the question. Abby’s eyes start to fill with tears as she brings her hands to cover her mouth. Clarke and Murphy exchange concerned glances before surrounding Abby to comfort her. Murphy gently pats her back while Clarke leads Abby to a sitting position.

“What is going on?” Clarke searches Abby’s eyes for an answer.

“We should,” Abby pauses to wipe her eyes, “talk about this later.”

“No.”

Abby’s eyes plead with Clarke to drop the conversation. Clarke was not having it; she wanted to know what could bring her mother such anguish so suddenly. She gently takes her mom’s wrist to guide her into a private room. It ended up being in the laundry room, which was a little cramped but at least no one would likely intrude.

“Talk to me,” Clarke asks as she wipes at her mother’s tears. She intuitively wanted to care for and ease Abby’s pain. The gesture causes Abby to begin sobbing, and Clarke rushes to hug her tightly. This was the closest she has felt to her mom in years.

After a few moments, Abby manages to settle her cries. Clarke releases her hold on Abby, but remains close in case the fit reoccurs. Abby takes a few deep breaths before opening her mouth to speak. Clarke notices a void enter her mother’s eyes; a shell of her mother standing before her. This person reminded Clarke of her mother on the day they buried Jake.

“He is your father’s son.”

Clarke can see that Abby is still speaking but she can hear nothing in this moment.

“Clarke, Clarke” Abby gently shakes her daughter.

Blinking, Clarke steps back to create physical distance from her mom; it could never match the emotional distance she was feeling.

“You knew,” Clarke seethes.

“You have to understand—”

“You knew,” Clarke takes another step back. Abby tries to follow, but Clarke throws up her palm to stop her.

“Will you let me explain?” Abby is showcasing her ‘doctor’ voice, as if she were reporting terrible news to a family. Clarke supposed this was highly appropriate. She brings her hand to her chest where it feels like her heart has been ripped out.

“Sure,” Clarke hears herself saying.

“First, let me say that your father loved you so much.”

“Save it,” Clarke throws up her hand.

Abby grimaces before continuing to explain that Jake confessed to his adultery before news that Murphy’s mother was pregnant. For nearly seven years, Jake had no knowledge of Murphy. It wasn’t until a small Murphy started asking questions about the whereabouts of his dad that Mary decided then to inform Jake. It defeated him and he immediately informed Abby. Together, they decided to keep Murphy and Clarke from knowing one another. This was largely due to Mary’s concerns. She was a single mother and feared that Jake and Abby would try to take full custody of Murphy. It was a silly rationale but they couldn’t convince Mary otherwise. She threatened to disappear with him should they not agree to her terms. Those terms were that only Jake could have a relationship with him. They got five years together before that fateful day. The phone call was Mary informing Jake that Murphy was in the hospital. He was a rambunctious kid and ended up breaking his arm and clavicle in a bicycle accident.

Clarke feels bile rising up her throat. She bends over, bringing her hand to her mouth as shivers course through her entire body. She couldn’t take any more. How could they both lie to her for so long? How was she supposed to trust anyone ever again? Her mom tries to pull Clarke into a hug, but her first response was to shove Abby.

Clarke didn’t want Abby to touch her. Hell, she didn’t want anyone to touch her right now. However, she didn’t want to be alone in this moment, but didn’t want just anyone to be near her. There was one person on her mind; one person that she could be vulnerable with.

Rushing into her bedroom, Clarke grabs her charging phone from the nightstand. She dials a number burned into her memory.

“Please pick up,” Clarke cries into the phone, “please.”

“Clarke?”

******************************

This was a day full of surprises.

It started when Titus took time to attend Lexa’s test for black belt. She didn’t lack confidence in her ability to make black, but Titus’ presence made her anxious. He would surely ruin this moment by critiquing any shortcoming on her part. Anya and Lincoln wanted to be here for her during this but she wouldn’t let them. Just in case she failed, she didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on both her parents and best friends’ faces. She also didn’t want many witnesses to the bitching she would receive from Indra and Titus. Luckily, she didn’t have to endure that.

When she received her new belt, to her surprise, she found Titus swelling with pride. At least, she was pretty sure that was pride plastered across his features. Indra looked pleased, too. _She better be_ Lexa thought to herself since Indra is the one that insisted Lexa test this early.

To further Lexa’s amazement, in that moment, she realized that pleasing them brought her no satisfaction. She always dreamed about the day of making those two proud of her. However, here she was and all she could think about was how they didn’t matter to her. She had only one person in mind that she wanted to celebrate with. The one person she was able to tell anything to, but Lexa managed to fuck that up.

Lexa was sure reaching out to Clarke would only produce a lot of avoided calls and texts. Nonetheless, Lexa was determined to make things right. She recognized that making mistakes made her human but she would not be a fool twice. She knew before reaching out to Clarke, she would first have to end things with Costia. It was only fair to everyone involved. She already had plans with Costia the following night; she could have that conversation with her then. A great amount of dread followed that thought but Lexa pushed past the feeling. Lexa knew what she wanted, and this time she wouldn’t sacrifice that for the sake of others.

The greatest astonishment of the day came from her phone. Lexa drove separate from her parents so that she could meet up with Anya and Lincoln after the tournament. Lexa was in the middle of a song when her Bluetooth automatically answered an incoming call.

“Clarke?”

Lexa’s hands started to sweat. She tried to dry them off on her pants but wasn’t having any luck with that.

“Absolutely, I’ll meet you there.”

Lexa’s heart and mind were racing. Clarke sounded upset and asked to meet Lexa at the gym. She knew that Lexa had a key to get in anytime, and by the sound of it, she needed to be someplace where no one could find her. Lexa made the twenty minute drive to the gym in half the time. She praised the powers –at-be for helping her avoid any speeding tickets.

Clarke was already waiting for her outside, all wrapped up in a puffy jacket. Her head was wrapped up in a scarf but Lexa could still see the pain written on the girl’s face.

Lexa bounced out of her car and jogged towards Clarke. Hopefully, the jog will help her produce plenty of body heat. She was still in her rash-guards and had left her jacket behind in the passenger seat of her car.

Once she reaches Clarke, the girl wraps her up inside her jacket. They embrace so tightly that Lexa knew they would become a single entity. Lexa didn’t mind this though; there was a rush of comfort that hit her whenever she felt Clarke in her arms.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t answer,” Clarke’s voice is muffled from having her face pressed against Lexa’s chest. Lexa shivers; partly from the chilling wind ripping though her clothes and partly from having Clarke this close again.

“Let’s go inside,” Lexa gently suggests as she tugs Clarke towards the door.

Taking a moment to appreciate the wave of warmth hitting her, Lexa stands quietly. She watches Clarke pull out a mat for them to sit on. They both take crossed-leg positions facing one another. Lexa waits for Clarke to speak.

When she does, Clarke tells Lexa about what happened at the party and how she was blindsided. Lexa could understand this. Clarke just learned about having a sibling a year ago and then come to find out, her mom has known for a long time. Lexa understood why Clarke would want to be away from Abby right now.

“I’ll never forgive her,” Clarke says while staring at her hands.

“You don’t have to.”

Lexa was learning that family was not everything; at least, blood relationships were not. She considered Anya and Lincoln family and she would happily go to the ends of the earth for both of them. They were her chosen family.

“Lexa”

Clarke draws Lexa out of her thoughts.

“Hmm?” Lexa hums.

“Do you know why I called you?”

Did she? Sure, Lexa was surprised to hear from Clarke. However, between the shock and worry, she didn’t have time to analyze why Clarke reached out to her for comfort. She shakes her head to answer Clarke’s question.

Clarke scoots closer to Lexa and takes her by both hands, staring into her eyes. Lexa catches a familiar glint in those blue spaces that she noticed the first day they met. She involuntarily smiles at the memory.

“Because you’re the only one I want,” Clarke pauses to let that sink in.

Until this moment, Lexa had never experienced true fulfilment. She was overwhelmed by the happiness flooding her heart; like the tides crashing the beach on the night of a new moon. She leans forward, crashing their lips together. She kisses Clarke, hoping that the girl can feel every ounce of emotion erupting for her own soul. Her excitement was a geyser, and there looked to be no end in sight.

“You’re the only one I want,” Lexa nearly shouts.

Through a flurry of kisses, she manages to get out she was already planning on leaving Costia. Lexa didn’t know what the future held for them but she knew that being together was the most natural thing she could imagine. She knew that, together, they could conquer anything happing in their lives.

They continue to kiss until their lips are swollen. Pulling away, green looks into blue and in that moment, everything was perfect in their own wasteland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for joining me on this journey! This felt like the best time to end the story. I plan to create more.


End file.
